Unsavory characters

First thank you for your support for my whining. I am feeling MUCH better, thank you. I upped my medication to 100mg a day vs. my 50mg a day and I am noticing a HUGE difference. I was on the lowest dose and felt I was safe in upping it myself. I feel lots and lots better. I am happy to report Chad & the boys are on the way home and haven't died ...yet...WHEW. I ended up watching "The Devil wears Prada"...what a great girly movie. I really liked it, Meryl Strep is very good in this flick. Although, the whole designer clothes concept and the main character being considered fat because she was a size 6 totally eluded me. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! But, I liked the movie none the less. I give it a thumbs up, way way up.

And now, on to my subject for this post. Teacher strikes. My little town in California is having problems between the teachers and the district. I haven't really paid much attention to be quite frank. I know they are fighting because the teachers are the lowest paid in our area and the district says they are broke and can't afford raises. In theory I totally agree with the teachers. I know that the district is top heavy, the administers are making way way more than the teachers and they are not even in the trenches every day like the teachers are. I also believe that there is no more important job than a teacher and that they should be very well paid.

However, this afternoon while I was avoiding studying for my final I went to town to do a couple errands. Hollywood Video happens to be right next door to the district office for the school board. There were teachers, lots of teachers, out picketing in front of the office with little placards that read, "we want to put your children first". I turned in to Hollywood Video, returned my movie, and as I was leaving I made eye contact with one of the teachers, Connor's teacher, and I immediately got a pit in my stomach. And felt uncomfortable. It all seemed quite innocent and noble of THOSE teachers to be demanding better pay until I realized that one of my children's teachers felt that way. UGH. Does this mean I will be expected to take a stand now? Now that she KNOWS I KNOW. And, does this mean her heart is not in her job and she's just suffering through the days with my baby wishing she was making more money? This is rather unsavory, and I must admit I do not like it. What am I expected to do now? I don't even know. Maybe Bonnie, of socks and men, can tell me, she is up on this stuff. Me, not so much. *sigh* this is all rather complicated, and I am not a fan of complicated...

I have serious problems people

I have made no secret that I have me some crazy assed anxiety. Big time anxiety. I take Zoloft for said affliction. I am thinking that my wonder drug is failing me. The pharmacy switched me to generic Zoloft and I think maybe it's not working. My anxiety is off the charts. I am having problems sleeping, well I never sleep well, but now I am waking up in the middle of the night feeling like I am suffocating. It is NOT good. Which means I should probably go to the Doctor and see about getting my RX either changed or upped. The thought of going to the Doctor causes me even more major anxiety. *sigh* Now that I have insurance I could go to a regular doctor instead of seeing that battle ax out at the college health center. However, the thought of going to a new doctor and getting THE lecture about my weight makes me want to go and throw myself down a rabbit hole somewhere. I wonder if it would turn a new doctor off if I walked in, shook their hand, and and said, "Look, I know I am fat. You know I am fat. I know it's horrible for me. I have tried everything. I cannot lose weight. I recently GAINED two pounds when I had the stomach flu, how screwed up is that?!?!? Please do not give me your lecture. Please just give me some good anxiety medication because I am about to jump right out of my own skin. And please, for the love of God, do NOT check my blood pressure, because I can tell you without fail that it will be in stroke range right now. I am THAT nervous". I don't know...I am thinking that would put off a new doctor, what do you think?

I would love to see an endocrinologist, I think there is a good chance I have Cushing syndrome, however, again, the thought of going to a new doctor and trying to convince them I need all this testing makes me tired and anxiety ridden. Gawd, being fat is rather complicated, I tell you.

And on to more anxiety news. Chad and the boys are going to Tahoe for a few days. I can't go because I have to work and because I have a final on Wednesday. They are going to be gone Monday till Thursday. My FIL has a time share and the days needed to be used by the end of the year, so they get to stay at a swanky resort. I am really sad I am going to miss it, I have always wanted to go to Tahoe in the winter. I am very excited to be home by myself though. I love being home home alone, I am planning on staying up all night on Tuesday and watching chick flicks, have you seen any good ones lately? However, I am petrified that Chad and the boys are going to die in a car wreck and I will be by myself for the rest of my life. It is more than just a passing worry, I am actually truly convinced they are going to die in a car wreck. *sigh* I am a MESS. I know I am mess and yet I am still worried they are going to die. Good Lawd. When I was 16 I had a boyfriend die in a car accident and I think it has truly scarred me. I am always convinced that somebody I love is going to die in a car accident. A mess, I tell you, a mess.

Do you have irrational fears that you know are irrational, yet you can't make them go away? Please talk amongst yourselves and share.....meanwhile I am going to go and breath in a paper bag and make sure that all 3 of my boys have emergency numbers written in their underwear with Sharpie on the waisband....

A dingo got my baby!

We went to the one horse town this weekend to visit our very bestest friends Jeff & Candace. We had a great time as always. They took us to a get together, with all 25 of the townspeople, Chad and I are such party animals everybody had to keep telling us to sit down and shut up. Quit dancing atop of the tabletops already the townspeople yelled, what kind of an example were you people setting for the children? Oy. I think I talked to 4 people the whole evening, including Chad & Candace. I'm not exactly overly friendly in big groups. Poor Jeff & Candace, they are very social people. I am sure they wonder daily how they ever hooked up with us losers. *sigh*

We had a great time. Oh yeah, except we lost Connor and the Highway Patrol had to bring him back to the house. Yep, you read that right, we lost Connor in the land of the sage brush. It was quite scary. The kids were out playing in the "yard" and it was FREEZING, because, well, it's always freezing where there is sage brush. The four adults, a term I use loosely, were in the house drinking coffee, laughing, enjoying the peace and quiet. About an hour later here comes Trent and Brady, red nosed and looking like little Popsicles. Where is Connor we ask? He's in the house, the boys replied. Um, no he's not. Fast forward 45 minutes later, all adults are out combing the countryside looking for our little 5-year-old asthmatic in the freezing butt cold land of wild animals, abandoned mines and dried up wells. Every bad thought and scary thing that could have happened to him was screaming thru my head. I wondered out loud if in a town of 3000 do they even have a search and rescue? OhMyGAWD. I was thinking we were going to have to stay here forever until we found Connor. Candace had sent her teenage niece, Tasha, up the road to search for our little lost soul. I was pacing in the house waiting for an adult to come back and watch Candace's youngest, Allison, so I could go and scream for my son myself. The phone rings, it's the niece, Tasha. "Jodi, we have Connor, he flagged down a car for help and they called the Sheriff, you gotta come down here and let them know that you're his Mom". OHMYLORD. Candace went and fetched him from the Highway Patrol and I didn't stop shaking for an hour.

Apparently what had happened was that Connor told the big boys, 7 & 8 year-olds, that he wanted to come back to the house because he was cold and the boys said okay, fine go. Because boys that age are VERY considerate and caring that way they set the poor little guy on this merry way alone. Well, Connor got lost and wandered around until he found a road. After he couldn't figure out which way to go, or where the house was from there, he FLAGGED down a car for help. Thank God it was not a pedophile looking for a new act in his Internet live stream show called, "From the clubhouse" and the nice lady who found Connor called the cops. (yes, I watch too much Law & Order what can I say?)

To say the whole thing was scary is a gross understatement. It didn't even occur to me to warn the boys to stay in the yard. I didn't think they would ever wander so far away from away from the house that they couldn't find their way back. And there we were in the house the whole time enjoying the peace and quiet. In the hour that he was lost I was imagining the news crew showing up and me standing there with my hair standing on end in my old ratty gray sweats with bleach spots saying to the channel 6 news crew, in a Southern accent, "I just don't know what happened. We were in the house drinking our whiskey sours and them kids were right there playing in the old truck, I swear. And then poof, the little one was gone. It's the strangest thing ya'll." Either that or screaming that a dingo got my baby, in an Australian accent. One or the other. Apparently in times of stress my brain turns to other dialects for comfort, hey, I have never ever claimed to be sane, people! I really would love a Southern accent in real life, I think it sounds soooo very cool. Anyway...

The whole experience was quite terrifying. When we go back up there, we were invited for New Year's, those people must be sadist's, I told the kids if they go outside I am going to tie them all together with the dog's leash and give them a bullhorn. Connor told me not to worry, he was never going outside again. And for that I was thankful.

I have turned into my Mother

No, it's true. I have turned into my Mother. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my Mom, I do. But, no matter how much one loves their Mother, you don't want to BE her. Am I right?

The clues have been showing themselves for a while now. When I am particularly stressed or busy and I glimpse a quick glance at myself in a mirror or any shiny surface really, my Mother's reflection is staring back at me. It makes me gasp and jump every single time. My Mom had that look on her face my entire childhood. That look that says, "I am miserable. I am tired. I am feeling a little resentful for all you little buggers and the responsibilities that I have taken on. But, I am doing it because, well, it's my job and I have to". OY.

Last night I was watching the American Music Awards, because I am an awards show junky. and despite the kids being sent to bed they were wandering in and out of the living room as is their custom. As Trent would drift through getting a drink, blowing his nose, giving me a kiss, or asking how many years it would before he could get a driver's license he would stop and gaze at the TV. Then he would make little comments regarding the many half dressed women parading themselves, or worse straddling poles and singing about undoing their buttons, across the stage in various stages of undress. "WHOA", he'd say emitting a soft whistle or "Yeah, un-huh", as he was arching his eyebrows with a twinkle in his eye. I heard myself saying, "Where are those women's clothes? Why doesn't Sharon Stone EVER wear a bra? This show is not appropriate for children, Trent go to bed and I mean now!" And, it was my Mother's shrill stressed voice that was coming from my mouth. Along with the words I have heard myself a gazillion times growing up. And, so the realization that I have turned into my Mother continues. That and the knowledge that she is very smart and astute in her observations! :)

I realize that Trent is a boy and it is part of normal development from him to notice attractive women. But, it saddens me and I would be lying to say it doesn't panic me a bit too. What do I know about boys and puberty and hormones? That answer to that, my dear friends, is absolutely nothing. I look to my lovely husband for answers, as he is more versed in the area of male sexuality than I, and he just giggles. He is not much help. *sigh*

Watching the American Music Awards angered me a bit too for a whole different reason. What progress as women have we made, really? Every act, just about, had half naked women gyrating on the stage objectifying themselves as sexual beings. And the Pussycat Dolls were crooning about undoing buttons and had skirts so short that they were virtually invisible. What happened to the women's movement? Why do women demand to be treated as equals when as a society we are so entertained and bemused by women who are used as nothing more than a prop? And, how as a Mother of two boys, am I supposed to inculcate in them that women are real people, not just objects for your viewing pleasure, who are their equals? Huh? How am I supposed to do that?!?!

And, just now I realized I really AM my mother. She is a big time feminist, always has been, as children she use to tell us that after Cinderella got married and went back to Prince Charming's castle her life consisted of picking up his dirty socks and making his dinner--the message, there is no Prince Charming, girls. And I am now realizing I must be a bit of a feminist myself. WOW. Please excuse me, I need to start drinking heavily so that I can drive from my consciousness that I indeed am my Mother.

It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to

Yes, I am feeling a bit melodramatic. Sue me.

Today at work I spoke with a lady who was looking for mental health providers and wanted the name of hospital to go to, she felt like she needed inpatient care. And I was having the hardest time finding her a provider. She sounded SO sad and so despondent. We were told in training if we ever got a suicide caller {PLEASE, if you ever feel suicidal do NOT call your health insurance, I am here to tell you the poor shumuck who answers the phone is NOT a mental health professional, nor do we play them on TV, call a hotline or a doctor's office, PLEASE} to NEVER put them on hold but to flag down a supervisor to take a call. My caller wasn't suicidal but she was feeling like she needed inpatient care, to me that's a cry for help--- HELLO, and do you think I could find a supervisor? Ummmmm-NO. I could have shot a canon through that place and not hit a supervisor. I found some names of professionals for my caller to get a hold of. But, I hung up the phone feeling shaky. I felt like I didn't help her AT ALL. I was very emphatic and as helpful as I could be and I pray she knew that. And she was calling me from a parking lot, in her car, wanting me to tell her who to go and see. It was awful, horrible, and just terrible. Three hours later I FINALLY found my supervisor and she was about as comforting as porcupine holding a thumbtack. *sigh* I DO know what to do next time and that makes me feel a tiny bit better. This was seriously the worst call I have taken in my 6 months at this job. I don't think I will EVER forget it. And not in a good way.

When I was driving home, on the way to my kid's parent teacher conferences as I was trying to keep it together, I was wondering why this call bothered me so much? Is it because I have felt that depressed before? Is it because I have known lots of people, some of my very close friends even, who have felt that bad before? Or is simply because I am a helper and a fixer? I love the strokes I get from callers who tell me how helpful I was or how they wished they could call back and get ME personally again. I really love to hear that. I like to feel like I am excelling at my job. I did NOT feel like I was call center operator extrodiniar today. And frankly, that sucks. BIG TIME. *sigh*

I know a few things for sure, I do NOT ever want to work on a crisis line,my supervisor did say to expect more of these types of calls because tis' the time of year for major depression--at least I know what to do for next time!, well if I get many more calls like the one I did today I am going to need mental health for myself, that's for sure. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went to both of the boys' parent teacher meetings today. Gawd, I hate those parent things. They are both doing okay. They both visit too much in class and need to slow down on their homework and do a neater job. I was like, yeah, tell me something I don't know and then tell me what I can do about it. I got blank stares back from both teachers. Thanks for nothing, teach. However, both teachers did tell me that both the boys are VERY polite and well behaved and that makes me extremely happy. Especially Connor because at home he's a lot of things but polite and well behaved would not be two of them! At least he KNOWS how to behave when it counts.

I don't know how or why, but Connor has figured out that s-h-i-t spells a naughty word. I don't even say THAT word. I may say damn or son-of-a-bitch, but that's it. Connor finds the whole concept quite hilarious and trys to play around with the whole idea. He has also figured out that you flip somebody off with your middle finger {and I swear to you I haven't flipped anybody off since high school, so he didn't learn it from me...maybe from my MOM or GRANDMA?!?!?!?!} and has been playing around with that too. *sigh* At least his Kindergarten teacher didn't need to mention THAT to me! I should be thankful I am suppose.

Alright, any advice, comments, or simple commands to suck it up will be appreciated. Okay, so I probably won't appreciate a suck-it-up comment, but I will appreciate that you DID comment none the less. :)

The scourge of 2006

Boo~hiss. This is how I feel today. Please bear with me. First of all, it's Halloween. I loathe Halloween for all the obvious reasons.

Second, remember the flu my children have had? Who can forget? I haven't stopped yammering on about it for 3 posts now. Yes, being the generous beings that they are they have infected their own and only Mother. I have been sick so very sick since Friday. I even threw up in my car on the way home from work. EWWWW. Yes, you're welcome for the mental picture. I do believe the children may or may not be trying to kill me off. Maybe the little monsters have a bright shiny skinny new wife picked out for their Dad? WELL, I have a few little things I would like to tell that poor unsuspecting bimbo. She should refer to just about any post in the blog to give herself a good and accurate picture of what she's getting herself into. Yes, all 3 of them, the boys and Chad, are cute. BUT, GOOD LAWD...... No, smartass, wild paranoia is not one of the symptoms of this flu, I'm like this all the time. I like to think it adds to my aura of sparkling wit and charming personality.

I have not been this sick in years. This epidemic will forever be referred to as "The scourge of '06". {In order to get the full effect you must use a deep and dramatic TV voiceover tone.} I have had all kinds of bodily fluids emitting from my orifices. And I started my period. I am one happy camper, let me tell you. EWWWWWW.

Add to this whole lovely visual the fact my house is so filthy I could host a haunted house party while doing zero prep work. Cobwebs? Check. Scary looking zombie creatures wandering around in filthy dirty clothes from the early 90's, moaning, clutching their stomach and looking like they may hurl? Check. Dirty dishes with odd substances on them that could be yucky things like eyeballs or some other grossness? Check, check and double check. Scary articles falling from closets with no provocation. Yep, got that too. Add a frightened, spooked little beagle and you have yourself a complete pictorial of our lovely home. Enticing vision, isn't it?

Oh, and I forgot to mention that Chad had to rebuild our front porch this weekend because the rain is coming. Doesn't that make it sound like we live in the rain forest? I guess we kind of do, when the rain starts it rains with a vegenance, let me tell ya. And so the throbbing in my head was matched by the pounding of the hammer. And, my 8-year-old little sweet son hit puberty over the weekend and decided he hated me. He put a huge blob of caulking from the door in my hair ON PURPOSE and then ran like a bat out of hell when I started screaming like a little girl "somethingisinmyhairdamnit, getitout, GETTTTTITTTTTTTTOUTTTTTTTTT". 8 shampoos and no hot water later I emgerred a pissed off pruned up Mommy with straw for hair. Trent is grounded until he's 25 in case you are wondering. Gosh, if Trent would have thinking he should have recorded my screaming for the whole haunted house motif theme we got going on here.

Bah Humbug.

Do not be fooled by this face!

Do NOT, I repeat do NOT trust this child should you lay your eyes on him. Do not be taken in by his sweet smile and shy demeanor. It is a trick, a ploy, a way to draw you into his devilish little web. He was the most horribly acting child on Monday when he was with my Mom. Absolute holy terror. He was being such a monster my Mom actually took him to Chad's work to have Chad try and talk some sense into him. He had no remorse whatsoever. Chad's threatening his young life barely made him behave like a somewhat domesticated 5-year-old. I think once I picked the kids up, my Mom went home and drank a gallon of wine and wondered how in the hell she got roped in to taking care of my kids while I work? Needless to say, he is grounded off the computer for the rest of his life.

So, guess who started throwing up at school on Tuesday? That's right, the Devil man himself, Connor Issac. He was getting the flu that Trent had I guess. {I know it wasn't the flu shot, 'cuz Connor hasn't even had his flu shot yet. He was suppose to get it today, but since he was puking I thought we'll put it off a few weeks. And Candace's kids have had the exact same symptoms and they haven't had their flu shots either. } *sigh* Why do kids act like such monster's when they are getting sick? Does anybody know? Is there a scientific explanation for it? OY!

Thanks for all your well wishes for Trent. He is 100% back to normal. He hasn't hurled since Friday. My Mom thought maybe he wasn't getting enough calories, so we bought some SlimFast in the cans, my kids LOVE SlimFast I know they're odd. He literally drank 5 on Saturday and perked right up. He must have had the worst case of the flu. His appetite is back in full force and he's his very energetic, never shuts up, little self. Thank goodness! I wouldn't have it any other way.

Calling all Mothers

I need some advise from mamma's (or Daddies). Please. Trent is sick. He's been sick for over a week now. I don't know if I should be freaking out or not. He was sick a few weeks ago with a nasty ear infection. I took him to his pediatrician and he got some ear drops and his ear is doing better. Poor Trent has had ear infections his whole life. I took him back to the doctor on October 11 for his 8-year well child check. {yes, he turned 8 in March, I'm a little behind. What can I say? Yeah, I know I won't be getting my Mother-of-the-year-award this year. Damn, and I was this close to getting it too! } His ear was looking better and he got his chicken pox booster and the flu mist vaccine. Oh yeah, and he was slightly anemic as well when they checked his hemoglobin. Not even anemic really, just on low side of the iron scale. Everything was good. Chad & I went away for our anniversary, all was fine, we had fun, the kids had fun everything was good. Then on this last Monday the school called me because Trent was throwing up. He threw up all Monday. He stopped throwing up. He stayed home from school on Tuesday. On Wed I stayed home with him and he threw up again. Thursday he was fine, my Mom stayed with him and was driving her crazy. In her words, "he was quite obnoxious". In my mind an obnoxious kid is a well kid. So, he went to school yesterday. He went to the after school program with my Mom, she is one of the staff there, and was fine. She said he looked a little pale by the end of the day. We went out to dinner last night, he wanted some shrimp, and he was REALLY tired, almost falling asleep at dinner. We came home and he went straight to bed. I awoke this morning at 3Am to the sound of him puking his guts out.

So, I am at war with myself. Chad thinks he's fine and just over did it yesterday. I don't know if he has e-coli or something horrible. Isn't a week a long time to have the flu for a normally active kid? He said that yesterday at school his knees were shaking from walking from his classroom to the playground. This is a kid who is normally at a dead run. How do I know if he's just got a really bad case of the flu, which I find ironic since he got the flu mist, or something horrible? Somebody give me some advise, please. I do NOT want to be one of those freaking out about every little sniffle kind of Mom's. However, I don't want to let my child die from e-coli because I am too stupid to know he needs to go to the Doctor. *sigh* He has NOT had a fever. Just diarrhea, vomiting, and extreme lethargy. Help me please, don't let me down now my blogging peeps.

And, I have another problem that I need advice with, but it's not pressing so I'll blog about that later. Later blogging peeps~~peace out.

Inquiring minds want to know

To appease the masses, okay one of you, who are asking me about the autism conference with Candace...it was GREAT. We were only gone one night but it was fantabulaous. The conference was very informative and had a lot of good tips for parenting in general. I haven't talked about it much on my blog, but both my boys have Aspberger's Syndrome, which is VERY high functioning form of autism. They are both in mainstream classes at school and are doing wonderfully. However, we have some behavior type issues at home so I was very anxious to attend the conference. It was well worth sitting in class for all of Saturday. I really did learn a lot.

And, we got to stay in very nice hotel. The one mild irritant? We had to share. Yeah, with a total stranger, a pot-smoking-hippe-four felon holding-ex con, Spring Rain, or whatever her name was. A little explanation? Yes, I would imagine that would be in order. Candace works for her county's children services program. They paid for her to attend the conference and for her room. I was allowed to stay in the room with her, and, no I'm not the ex felon silly. But we also had to share with another young lady, that would be your felon, from a different county's program . To say she was interesting is an understatement. She told us the abridged version of her life within five minutes of meeting her. I mostly kept just saying, "oh my, wow, hmmmm, that's sooommmeeethiinnngg..." Candace blamed me, she said that I have one of those faces that begs for people to tell me their war stories. HMPH. I was offended until I realized she was right. Everybody and their uncle twice removed wants to tell me their life story. *sigh* It's a burden I must bare I suppose.

Anyhoo, I ALMOST slept with my wallet under my pillow at the hotel until I remembered that I didn't have any money and her credit is probably better than my own. Last week I couldn't find my driver's license and thought Meadow Lark ,or whatever in the hell her name was, had stolen it. And then 2 seconds later I found the stray driver's license in my change purse and realized I may have gotten overexcited, just a tad. And, NO, I am not known for being overexcited, thankyouverymuch.

Did I mention we went out to eat at grown up eatiries with no placemats or crayons, sans kids and husbands, and I got to drink a few little cocktails? Yummy. It was grand. I may or may not have been a wee bit hung over on Saturday and Sunday morning both. *ahem* But, you did NOT hear that from me. And NO the county did NOT pay for my cocktails. The cheapskates. If anybody needs cocktails it would be a parent of 2 wild and crazy boys. :) Actually, I was very happy and grateful that they allowed me to bunk with Candace and smokes-a-lot-Suzy.

Since Candace lives in the town of tumbleweeds and cows we also went shopping while we, well mostly her 'cuz I already live where you can buy clothes that are not made from gunny sacks, were in civilization. Our shopping time constituted me following Candace around and making smart ass comments about the clothes she tried on. That is just the kind of friend I am people! It was mucho granda fun. I bought myself an old lady nightgown and was happy as can be. It doesn't take much to make me happy, that's for sure. Candace did end up getting some really cute new duds. She'll be the talk of the town I am sure, all 25 of 'em. (hehehehe, luv ya, Candace!)

Chad took the boys and Candace's son, B, to the monster truck races while we were gone. Yes, I missed the monster track rally, I can barely contain my grief. All had a great time. Candace's husband and daughter, A, also stayed here with Chad and the boys and they had fun too I hear. It was a great weekend!

To the throngs of my blogging peeps who want to know if we ever went camping, okay the one person who asked, no we did not. However, Chad did get all the camping gear out of hawk. So, we have everything we need. Maybe early this spring we can go camping, we are hoping. We are going to go up and stay with Candace & family over Thanksgiving however. We are really looking forward to that! We will not camp up there, unless it's on her living room floor, because we would freeze our tookas's off.

Chad and I are going away this weekend for our 15th wedding anniversary. We are flat broke but are going to go anyway. I plan on drinking heavily and acting quite irresponsibly. Alert the media.

And with that I am off to bed. 5:30 AM comes VERY very very early.

Yeah, since that went over so well....

Since my earlier-crappily-scanned pictures were met with such acclaim I have decided to post a few more. Let's see if this works. Goodness, this is very hard and takes way way way too much time!

The top picture is of Trent and Connor and our dog, Daisy. She is just the cutest little beagle ever in my opinion. Chad doesn't like her as much...He barely tolerates her in fact.

The bottom picture is of Chad, the boys, and K at Burney Falls. I think it's about a year and half old. Burney Falls is so pretty! We want to go camping there someday soon, in a cabin with real beds. I am so never ever going tent camping! Unless it's with my friend, Candace, and her family. We would be drinking heavily and her husband, Jeff, would be cooking for us nonstop. Then maybe I'd consider it. (hehehehe) Oh yeah, and Chad and the boys would go to of course.

Okay, well I need to leave for night school. I am loving my class, BTW. I haven't talked about it much for some reason. It's a Criminal Law class and I LOVE it. Love it. Although when we talk about murder and child abuse I get kind of creeped out, but not so creeped out I don't want to hear more. I am sick like that.

I have many deep thoughts on spousal abuse that I will share with you all soon. Go ahead and do something else, don't wait for me, it could be DAYS before I get back to it...Seriously. I am going to a autism conference with Candace this weekend. And then Chad and I are going away for the weekend for our anniversary in a few weeks. 15 years baby! I am trying to find a decent wedding picture to scan for you all as well. Again, don't hold your breath, it could be some time before I find one. Ms. Jodi is one busy girl between work, school, being a Mom, and a really crappy wife--there isn't much left of the Jodester by the end of the day. *sigh* And on that note, tootaloo my blogging peeps.

I'm almost done with show and tell, promise!

I am almost done with show and tell, promise. This is my Grandma with CrazyDruggieSister's two boys. They are 7&8 years old. Cute as little buttons. They have a sucky life as you can imagine. They are both with their Dad right now, T's ex, and he's NOT a nice guy. It's very sad. What makes me the saddest is that we had J, the oldest boy, when he was a baby for 4 months. I was pregnant with Trent at the time and begged T to let me adopt him. Of course she would have nothing to do with that idea. He is HER son and she would NEVER give up custody of any of her children, thankyouverymuch. He was the sweetest baby, SO sweet. He is a very angry and sad little boy now. T and her ex have completely ruined him, it's tragic. Thank the Good Lord that T had her tubes tied, finally. She is one of those people who should have never ever had children. Ever.

Now, on to my Grandma. She is my paternal Grandma. My Mom took care of my Grandpa, her abusive father-in-law, as he died, my Mom is one strong lady. My Mom & Dad are still living w/ my Grandma, and watching out for her as her health is failing fast. She is 88. I have literally lived about one mile from her my whole life. I have a love/hate relationship with her. She can be so mean, biting, and dowright cruel. And she has an eating disorder, I am not kidding. She is anorexic. Very odd, who knew old people could have body issues? But, she does, trust me. You can imagine how she feels about me and my full figure. Yet, I love her fiercely. I cannot fathom how much it will hurt when she passes away. She is part of the fabric of who I am.

This summer my Mom and my Grandma took care of the boys when I went to work. My Grandma had a ball watching cartoons with the boys, fixing them snacks, and begging my Mom to take them all out for ice cream. She would sulk like a petulant child if my Mom said no to the ice cream or the cartoons more than the boys did. It was great summer for all four of them. My Grandma also bought the boys backpacks and school supplies at the beginning of the school year. This was a HUGE deal because she is known for her tightfistedness. It makes me very happy that my boys get to have such a different relationship with her than I ever did as a child.

She is like a different person since my Grandpa passed away. Every day since he's died she gets prettier and prettier and laughs more. It's so interesting and heart crushingly sad to watch. How much different would her life had been if she had married a kind man who didn't communicate with angry fists and even crueler words? Grandpa was NOT a nice guy. This POST was about him. Life is funny. My Grandma has a eating disorder and was in an abusive marriage for 50+ years. I have managed to escape her legacy yet it has still effected my life in so very many ways. The sins of the father just go on and on it seems. As does mental illness. The whole thing makes me rather tired, that much I know for sure.

I finished cleaning up K's room yesterday...

Yesterday I finished cleaning up K's old room, which has now been dubbed "the clubhouse" by the boys. {My friend, Candace, and her family are coming next weekend and I need to get the room ready, I am attempting to make believe I have a guest room and I'm good at having company!} I found these pictures in some of her stuff and decided to post them. Well, you knew that part, huh? I am a brilliant at stating the obvious, do I really think you'd be looking at these pictures and wondering if I decided to post them? Good Lord... **if you don't see any pictures please see post immediately following this one, Blogger is super duper screwing with me.

K is the one on the top, she is a very pretty girl. T, aka crazydruggie sister, is the one on the bottom. T is actually much prettier in real life. However, I like this picture because this is what she looks like when "LaTisha" is in control. LaTisha is what my family calls her alter ego who is a mean, asskicking, angry Black woman. Yes, smart ass I realize we are very white, however nobody seemed to inform LaTisha of that very small matter. She THINKS she's Black and that's all that counts I suppose. Isn't attitude 9/10's of the point anyway? When T gets this look on her face you know you better seek cover and quick because what follows is NOT going to be pretty my friend.

K and Crazydruggie sister are living in a drug induced haze as we speak. T had a dirty drug test but didn't get sent to jail, surprise surprise. She just got sent to more drug classes and whatnot. K is skipping school, flirting with the possibility that she will have to go back to juvvy. It's a mess. K has not called us ONCE since she went back to her Mom's. My Mom has talked to T a few times, but nobody has called here, Thank God.
I worry every day that Crazydruggiesister is finally going to push it too far and kill herself. Or that K is going to do something incredibly stupid and get herself killed. *sigh* Loving out of control people who are also mentally ill, stubborn, have a flair for the dramatic, and are addicted to drugs is one painful proposition. I am just thankful they live 10 hours away and it's not in my face everyday. I find some solace in being able to pretend I don't have any family members who could show up on a COPS episode at any given time or on the evening news for that matter. *sigh*

Edited: Look who learned to us a photo program

Alright, so I suck at scanning pictures, obviously. I wanted to show ya all a picture of Connor and I on his first day of Kindergarten. He is the short one with the glasses. I am the fluffy gal with a bad farmer's tan. Now that we have the characters straight maybe you'll forgive the fact I can't scan worth a hoot. *sigh* This crooked picture is going to drive me batty. I am going to post this so I don't have to look at it anymore! Why I think you want subjected to such torture, I don't know...maybe I am a sadist or is it a masochist? I always get those two terms mixed up....



Edited to add: Okay, this is MUCH MUCH MUCH better. I finally maybe sorta got this figured out. I am feeling much better about my scanning abilities now! (hehehehe)

Having trouble sleeping, are you?

Have you seen the ads on TV for Lunesta and Ambien CR? Evidently, so has Connor. Here is a sampling of the conversation we had last night at bed time.

"Mom, can you take me to the Doctor to get Funesta or Wambien RR?"

"HUH?"

"You know, Mom. I need Funesta. The commercial with the butterfly, ya know? I can only take it when I can devote 8 hours to sweeping and when i don't have to operate heavy machinery the next day. But, Mom..."

"Yes Connor", I choke out, as I am giggling uncontrollably but trying not to make Connor feel silly for asking his Mother for sleep medication that he's seen advertised on TV.

"I don't have a driver liwense, so i don't drive or operate machinery, so I think I can take it, right? ."

"Well, Connor, that medicine isn't for children. Why do you think you need it?

"Because MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM--he drug out the MOM part like I was an idiot who he has to explain every little detail too--, the commercial says it will help you fall asleep FAST and it takes me forever to fall asleep and sometimes I wake up at 3:23 in the MORNING and that's too ewearly to wake up. The medicine helps you fall asleep and STAY asleep. It has two wayers that dissolve you know".

"I see. Well, do you think there is anything that we can do to help you sleep better? Besides taking sleep medications?"

"UMMM, wewl, my bed is awfully hard and Trent snores and that is annoying to me. But, if you got me some of that Funesta I fink I would sleep wots better. Can we call Dr Wogan, Mom? I NEED some Wambien RR with the two wayers".

"Connor, I seriously doubt that Dr Logan will give you either Lunesta or Ambien CR. Maybe we could try giving you a nice glass of milk instead? Milk makes little kids sleepy".

"NO MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM. I need Funesta".

"Go talk to your Dad about it". This is my answer to every question that either makes me blush or giggle.



Apparently I have a 5-year-old with some major sleep issues. And he watches too much TV. Next thing you know he's gonna want that medication for ED or high cholesterol. Is he a 63-year-old man trapped in a child's body perhaps? And who says marketing doesn't work? Connor could be a bill board for sleep medications! :)

Geez, has it been that long?!?!?

Goodness, I haven't posted for 20 whole days. That must mean I have been busy, right? That's right, very busy.

However, I am one happy little blogger right now albeit I am quite sleepy. My kids are both at school, I don't have to work today, and I decided to drop my Creative Writing class. Oh yeah, and I am listening to my dorky Country music and that always makes me happy,happy,happy.

Okay, so I am going to post for 15 minutes and then lay down for a cat nap before Connor gets home. So, I will make this SNAPPY.

Update on K and T anyone? K made a huge ass of herself her entire visit and then went "home" to her Mother. It is a long and ugly story and I don't feel like telling it right now. Suffice it to say the "system" is a mess and a bunch of idiots run the world. I am VERY glad that K is no longer here, although that ,of course, makes me feel very guilty. I keep telling my Mom that everybody has a choice about the the kind of life they want to lead, and K has obviously made her choice, no matter how nauseating said choice may be.

Vegan Sister (VS) never stood up and took K on for even one evening after all. It made me mad and want to giggle at the same time. There is something entirely too weird going on between VS and her hubby, who also happens to be Chad's brother. I think they are breaking up, VS and J, not Chad and his brother. :) There are some really odd rumors that followed VS home from her trip to MT. And they are ringing a little too true to be completely false. Stay tuned for this one, it's gonna be MESSY.

My job is going good. I think I am gonna like it. I just plug into the phone in the AM and do my own thing all day. I really really like that. I chose to work the 6AM shift so I could be home with the kids in the afternoon and it's a killer getting up so early, but it's good for me, I think. My morning routine is getting shorter and shorter. I have started forgoing makeup and actually doing my hair. Oh well, maybe I will be less appealing to creepy guy. I am sure my fabulousness still shines through though, *SIGH*. Don't hate me 'cuz I'm BIG, beautiful, and totally ungroomed at 6AM. :)

And the BEST part, you ask of getting up and out at the butt crack of dawn? Chad has to get the kids up in the AM and on the bus, by himself. Can you hear my evil cackling via the internet? this is the first time in their LIVES that Chad has been home in the AM to get them ready for the day and I say it's high time he took a turn, don't you? Not to mention the fact the biggest fights we have is about the kids bedtimes. He thinks i want them to go to bed too early. LONG STORY. Suffice it to say that he is starting to see my point now. BAWHAHAHAHA.

Oh,yeah my creative writing class. I decided I didn't like the teacher and the class was stressing me out. And I had to write poetry and I hate poetry. And I was behind and it's only the second week of school. So, I did what any hotblooded college student does, I dropped the class. it is the FIRST time in my college career I have ever did that. It feels quite freeing, I must admit. i am now just taking 6 units, I have a Wed night class in criminal law and some child development classes. My life is feeling much more manageable at this point. PLUS, isn't blogging creative writing? Who needs a stinking class in creative writing? AND, I don't have to write poetry. Thank God.


And with that I am off to take a rest.

The great camping debate of 2006

You know how something is bothering you, but you don't WANT it to bother you, so then it just keeps pecking away at your consciousness like a leaky faucet drip, drip, dripping? Oh, please humor me and say that know what I mean?! Okay. So, I have this problem and the only way I can purge it is to blog about it. I apologize. This will probably be one BORING post. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I never said Jodi's world was pretty folks. Oh no, I did NOT. HMPPFHHHH.

Okay, so you all know about our money problems, as I have been bitching, moaning, and generally being a whiny butt about it all summer, right? Let's just say that our situation was NOT getting any better. It just kept getting more and more dire. I am not even sure how that IS possible, but that's not the point. Chad decided to sell his truck. I was heartbroken and sad. It's been a really good truck and we need a 2nd car soooo bad, especially now that I am working. He was going to sell it and then buy something cheap and fix it up--he's a mechanic. My parents got wind that he was going to sell the truck and offered to float us a loan.

This is extraordinary because a) I didn't know my parents had any money to loan and b) they pride themselves on letting their kids struggle a little bit and not interfering in their business. Which I totally admire in a neutral 3rd party kind of way. After much deliberation we decided to accept the loan. Chad worked out repayment details with my Dad. Chad & i sat down and figured out the best way to spread the loan around and pay as many bills as we could. Then we made up a NEW budget that included the weekly payments to my parents and all our monthly bills. Our money situation is so looking up. Added to the fact that I will get my financial aide money from school on the 21st we are feeling the weight lifting off of us, which is a VERY good thing. A good thing indeed.

Therefore, in spirit of the feelings of goodness we decided to plan a CAMPING trip to a KOA cabin about 3 hours from here. I got a pit in my stomach wondering what my parents would say. When we were growing up we NEVER had money and my parents had their noses to the grindstone almost always. I truly can remember very few times we ever did anything that was purely recreational or even buy what my Mom considers "non-basic" groceries. I am serious. I think that's one of the reasons I LOVE grocery shopping and going out to eat, because it's something we never did when I was a kid and when we did it was very stressful because of how much it was going to cost. Granted, now that I am a parent I TOTALLY understand their stress, they had 4 kids to feed and clothe and never, ever enough money.

I was sick of this feeling of dread in my stomach so I told my Mom about our CAMPING plans. She said, "WELL, your Dad and I would NEVER want to interfere in your daily life, but I think your Dad would feel galled if you went camping. I KNOW what he had that money put aside for and he'd be insulted if you went camping". OOOOOOKKKKKKAAAAAYYYYY. I mean, I understand from a intellectual point of view why she said that. They really and truly don't have very much money. I have NO clue where my Dad got that money to loan us. Truly. And they live the simplest life. So simple it's sad, really. And I am sure she is wondering what got us in this mess in the first place. i am wondering that as well. It is a laundry list of circumstances, none of which would seem alarming alone, but together spell disaster.

However, from a emotional point of view I am miffed. And mad at myself for having to borrow money from them. We are going to have to play mother-may-I until the loan is paid off. *sigh* And i HATE being told what to do so it's really going to grate on my last nerve. And I hate living like a monk and feeling guilty for buying take out pizza! GRRRRRRRR.

And I don't want to alienate her because I am selfish. I need her help for daycare. I will be SOOOOOO screwed if I make her mad and she doesn't help me with the kids once school starts. So I am stuck. I am forced to pretend it doesn't bother me. I have to be brave and tell my kids that no, we are not going camping, no we can't go see "Barnyard", no we can't go McDonald's. All the while I am looking into their faces remembering what it felt like to be a kid who NEVER ever got to do anything just for fun. And it makes me sad, and angry and conflicted as hell.

Somehow I think our anniversary trip out of town for October just got cancelled too. *sigh*

Edit by author:::::::::::::
Thank you for all your kind words and suggestions. It means a lot to me, it really really does. Thank you!! Okay, here is what we have decided to do. We are going to POSTPONE, not cancel the camping trip for when we have the loan paid off. Chad went and put some camping supplies, a camp stove, some sleeping bags, on layaway today. That was very exciting for the boys! We have also decided to speed up our payment schedule with my parents. We were to pay $50 a week starting in November and we instead are going to start paying in September and pay $75/week. We are hoping we have them totally paid off by February this way. Then we will be free to go camping AND out to McDonalds in the same weekend if we want! To celebrate getting our debt to the mob, er I mean my parents, paid off we will then go camping on the coast for the weekend. Chad and I are both happy with this plan and feel like we have found a workable suggestion to our quandary. Thank you all again! It was mostly due to your suggestions that we came up with this idea....my blogging peeps are great..what can I say???

The never ending saga

To the loyal viewers, er I mean, readers of "The stomach turns", you are in for a treat my sweet blogging peeps! We have a sparkling NEW installment for you hot of the presses, of the rivety, sexy, yet family friendly drama.

When we last left our Heroine she was fretting about her subpoena and the need to testify, she was also all upset about not having a place to rest her weary Soul at work. I am happy to report that both of these issues have resolved themselves, as issues such as these sometimes do.

We will give you all a update on the employment situation first. Our Heroine has not only gotten her desk but she is doing quite swimmingly at her job, thankyouverymuch. She only dropped 4 out of 5 of her transfer calls the first day, and her stats are going up every day from there! Her job seems to be falling into place, thank the Good Lord for that one. She also has news on Creepy Guy! Are you not excited? Don't lie, I know that you are, you've been up nights waiting for news on Creepy Guy, haven't you? Well, get your pillow, 'cuz you'll be sleeping good tonight girlfriend. Appartently when our Heroine was having desk issues her trainer mentioned to the supervisor that under no circumstances was our beautiful, sexy, voluptuous heroine to sit with or share space with Creepy Guy because all hell would break loose if such an unfortunate situation were to present itself. The supervisor looked at our Heroine's trainer and reported that Creepy Guy had made HER uncomfortable as well, but she thought it was just her. Supervisor Supreme said now that she knew he was also making others uncomfortable she would have someone from Management talk to him. Well, either he had a personality transformation or somebody from Management indeed did talk to him. Our Heroine was in the same little set of cubicles for over 3 days with Creepy Guy, and he never looked at her or spoke to her either one. Thank the Good Lord, again! Creepy Guy is now back in training with the same trainer our Heroine had and she inquired if he was being Creepy Guy and Trainer said, not at all, it was obvious somebody had put the fear of the Good Lord into him. WHEW. Our Heroine feels bad and quite bitchy for ratting him out but he was seriously creeping her out. She really feels as though she has done the whole female population a favor. You can send her a thank you card in care of "As the Stomach turns" and address it to: "The Sexiest Heroine to ever grace a soap opera blog, EVER". Thank you in advance for all your cards and letters.

Now, on to our newest saga. Our Heroine was not required to testify after all in the trial against her niece, K's, attackers. The court resolved the case without her. I know, I'm surprised too. Both of the offenders got a year in County jail, 5 years probation, and have to pay fines. I know, I know, it's a sick sick miscarriage of justice, I agree with you. However, our Heroine would be lieing to say she isn't happy to the bottom of her chubby feet that she did NOT have to testify. Apparatently the earth doesn't completely need her help to rotate round and round, WHO KNEW?

So, after our Heroine received the happy news that she didn't have to tesify she was met with the revelation that the authorities are worried about her niece, K. Well, yeah, she's worried about her too. WELL, guess who was sitting in our Heroine's living room this afternoon?! THAT'S RIGHT. The niece, K. In all her teenage rebellion, complete with nose ring and a skanky skirt. *sigh* Her probation officer flew K out for three weeks and if her Mother, T, doesn't straighten up her act in the prespecified three week period of time, K doesn't get to go home to T. And our Heroine uses the word "home" loosely because, well, T is homeless. She has been for a few months now. And she's still doing drugs from what our Heroine can surmise. It's a gigantic, steaming, and stinky mess.

Lest you fret, our Heroine is NOT taking K in. In fact our Heroine, in spite of her ever crushing guilt and thinking she can-cure-the-world's-problems-complex, sent K packing to K's Grandma's this very evening. Our Heroine realizes that is she is still VERY angry about how K left her home and all the ways that K took advantage of our Heroine's generosity and support. And frankly the way K made our Heroine grieve and cry and feel like a complete failure, our Heroine hates messy emotions, is a little hard for our Heroine to come to grips with. All day K was mopping around, in another completely inappropriate outfit for a 14-year-old to be wearing, and missing her boyfriend and her Mother. She kept repeating over and over how much she missed them and how she couldn't wait to go back. For some reason this tripped every emotion in our Heroine and she said, "K, get your stuff, you're going to Grandma's". And then she unceremoniously took K and her crap and drove her over and dropped her off at her Mother's door. Our Heroine is feeling bone crushing guilt about her strong reactions and dumping the problem on her Mom, but she just couldn't stand to look at K, her weepy eyes, or her damn nose ring for one more bloody second. Truth be told, what REALLY sent her over the edge was the 92 calls from K's 17-year-old boyfriend and the cooing in the phone that followed. Right after the cooing K was blue again and missing her crazy druggie Mother and boyfriend and our Heroine just snapped. It's embarrassing to admit. And the guilt, the guilt is something to behold, baby.

Our Heroine's VERY annoying Vegan sister, S, will be home Monday, she is visiting our homeland, Montana, right now, and is going to fix everything as soon as she gets home. Thank goodness, our Heroine has screwed the situation up worse than old Hogan's goat. {Note: The author does not attempt to claim that all Vegan's are annoying, but S is particularly annoying and her Vegan-ness is just barely the tip of the iceberg. Read this and you'll understand, I hope} Vegan sister offered nothing but criticism for all that our Heroine did when the niece lived with our dear, sweet, ever loving Heroine last year and to say VS (vegan sister) was judgmental and a source of contention would be putting it mildly. It will be with bated breath and pure unsurpassing joy that our Heroine will pass the torch that is pain-in-the-ass-14-year-old niece to VS and smile while doing it.

I would be amiss not to mention the fact that our Heroine's children were so happy to see K that they almost wet themselves. That was quickly replaced with sorrow when they realized that not only did K not want to be here, but that she didn't plan on staying. It broke our Heroine's offspring's delicate little hearts. That pisses our Heroine off in ways that can not even be expressed in a family friendly manner.

In fact, the whole situation and her children's tears make our normally calm and logical Heroine want to hunt her crazy druggie sister, T, down and take her by her stringy dyed blond hair and then repeatedly smack her up the side of the head with a parenting book while smashing her meth pipe and hauling her skinny white ass to drug treatment. Never fear, she couldn't find crazy druggie sister if her life depended on it, so there will be violence today. And while our Heroine is very passionate, she is not very coordinated and I don't really think she could kick her sister's ass, WHILE beating her up the side of the head with a parenting book, and smashing her meth pipe, without hurting herself. if you ever had the misfortune to see the girl try and participate in any kind of physical activity you'd know what I was talking about. It's really NOT pretty. However, the whole situation has made our Heroine 3/4 crazy and thinking such violent thoughts that she forgets her own physical limitations for a brief, yet crazed, moment.

And because our Heroine is very complex, in a sultry soap opera-y way,the feelings of violence are right on the heels of enourmous feeling of grief for T and wanting to take really good care of her. *sigh* To say our Heroine feels conflicted is a major understatement. It seems like no matter what, T will always be Jodi's little sister and she will feel the need to fix her. It's a sad, sad fact and one that makes our Heroine angry, sad, disappointed, and worried.

With that we will close out this episode. Tune in next time as our Heroine turns herself in to guilt rehab and laughs herself silly as VS realizes that trying to parent a rebellious 14-year-old with her crazy druggie sister approved nose ring is NOT as easy as it looks on TV.

Call me a school supply junkie

I was reading this today and it got me thinking I may have a problem. You see, dear blogging peeps, I think I am addicted to school supply shopping. Oh you may scoff, and dismiss my problem. Let me supply supporting evidence of my said addiction ~pun intended. I literally get a little rush when I realize it's time for back-to-school-shopping. My heart races a bit when I see glue for 20 cents, a package of pencils for 25 cents, Crayons 5/$1.00!! It is love at first site. I count my pennies and see how many Crayons I can afford, how many packages of erasers our budget can bear. I get sick enjoyment out of leaving Target with three bags over flowing with school supplies. But, do I stop there? Oh no. I need to feed my addiction more, just like a true school supply shopping junkie that I am. I start pouring over the ads for the other box stores trying to find my fix in another location where I haven't been yet so I can score some more Bic pens and notebooks 10/$1.00.

This year my addiction is being fed by the fact I have two kids entering the public school system this fall. That means I need to buy twice as much! The joy/the sorrow, the stalking of that many more stores for the goods . I always try and buy a lot of the cheap stuff so that I can donate to the kids classroom for kids whose parents either don't have my affliction or the inclination to stock up on rulers when they are 10 cents apiece, Good God they are practically giving them away at that price! I am providing a public service. Thank Goodness these cheap school supplies are only available once a year for a short window of time, usually about a month, or I would drive us even further into the poor house.

This year my problem is being hindered by the lack of funds to feed my addiction. I have only been able to spend $10 so far on my habit and it is hurting me, causing me great pain. I am still pouring over the ads but I have no moola to back up my desire. I have wondered what I could pawn, sell, or trade for some school supplies. This is how broke we are.

Exhibit A. I actually had to put school clothes for my kids on layaway at, oh I can't say it, at K...mar.......tttttt. UGH, that hurt. And when I laid my money on the counter for my downpayment it was all in ones. The pain. The helpful *cough* employee and I had a little mental telepathy going on while he was ringing up my transaction.

K employee: As he eyeballs my selections stacked on the counter three feet high. Um, you are a loser, lady! Who buys their kids school clothes at Kmart? On layaway no less.

Me: SHUT UP stupid Kmart guy. I know it's pathetic, but I at least want my kids to have something new to wear to school....

KE: Yeah, whatever lady. It looks like you did a good job of picking out stuff that doesn't look toooo cheap.

Me: SHUT UP. UMMM, I mean thanks. Yeah. This Basic Editions t-shirt that was probably made by a 3-year-old in a sweat shop looks pretty good.

KE: You are paying for your downpayment with ones??!?!?! Don't you have a checking account? Are you a striper or something? Geez, LOSER.

Me: SHUT UP. And yeah, I am a stripper. At a fetish bar for guys who are chubby chasers. That's why I am buying my kids school clothes on layaway at KMart.

KE: {Out loud this time} Thanks for shopping at KMart today. Here's your receipt. Be sure you make another payment (in something besides ones) by the 28th.

Me: SHUT UP. STOP JUDGING ME STUPID KMART GUY. ERRRR, I mean thanks...and I slink away hanging my head in shame. It was only after I walked away that I wondered if could have put some of those cheaper than dirt school supplies on layaway too????!?!?!

No Whining here, baby!

So, yeah, Connor is fine. He is "perfectly normal" as his pediatrician put it. YIPPEE!!!! He does have vitiligo but no other health concerns at this time. What happy news. Thank you all, my blogging peeps, for putting up with my malodorous mood, my whining, and my general funkeness. These are traits of yesteryear and now I will be joyous yet again. Well, as joyous as I get. Thanks too for all your well wishes and expressions of support. It means so much to me. More than you will know.

I am almost done with training! This too is cause for great joy. I am sick and tired of being stuck in training learning about insurance, who knew there was so much to insurance?!?!?!, with eleven other people, half of whom are seriously getting on my last nerve. We get to move onto the floor next Friday. Well, ten of us do. Two of us don't have desks or a spot yet in the OJT area. One being yours truly. HOWEVER, in light of my new motto of being joyous I will not complain, oh no I will not, don't tempt me, get behind me Satan, I will not BITCH, I won't do it. I get paid the same either way, whether I have a desk for the first few days of OJT or not. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

I seen Creepo Guy today. Gawd, that guy seriously gives me the hebbie jeebies. He isn't fired yet, obviously, which slightly brings down my mojo, my vibe, my feelings of elation, but not much. I just keep hoping I will never ever see him again. You'd think by working in a office with 300 other people I wouldn't see him very often, but you'd be surprised. Creepy people are like that, I think they must clone themselves so you see them 5666788 gizzilion more times than you wish you would. Goodness. If he was drop dead beautiful with a charming personality I would probably NEVER see him, 'cuz well this is how it goes. I think he may or may not be my stalker, if I ever spot him in the woman's room or at Target, I'll know for sure and keep you posted.

HMMM...crazy druggie sister news, you ask, perched on the edge of your seat in hope and anticipication? WHY YES, dear reader, I do have crazy druggie sister news. It seems as though my niece has moved in with her boyfriend's family about one half of the time. My sister called me the other day to complain about it and then proceeded to get high while she was on the phone with me. I kept hearing her lighter clicking on and off and put two and two together. I hung up on her. The reason for her call, you ask? Good question, dear reader, Gawd you're smart. She was calling me trying to get a hold of my Mom. You see, she seems to think I know where our mother is 100% of the time and can give her coordinates on a map as to where to reach said mother at any point in the day. I have told her time and time again I have no such technology, but being the crazy druggie sister that she is she doesn't believe me and I don't think remembers that we ever had this coversation previously. She wants my Mom to come to LA and stay with her ex-husband in her old apartment and make her ex be nice to her and let her have visitation with her kids and make K stop spending so much time with Boyfriend. I said, "Alright, it's official, you really are smoking crack if you think Mom is going to go for that". She couldn't understand why I thought it was such a crazy idea and why Mom wouldn't jump on the chance to go down there. Mom won't even pick up the frickin phone with T calls, I really don't think she's going to be making an SOS trip clear to LA for her. Good Lord. T is a certifiable idiot, whether she's high or not. I really don't think crazy druggie sister will be out of jail long. She got convicted on that meth charge and is supposed to be attending drug and alcohol meetings and going to anger management and other court BS, in lieu of any real punishment of course. She is supposed to be randomly drug tested, I'm sure the probation department is waiting outside her door now with a urine cup in hand to perform the test. Yeah, sure they are. However, since she was literally getting high while she was on the phone with me I can't imagine she's sober much of the time, eventually she'll get caught, I just know it. I have no clue what's up with K or how she is. She called me the other day too, but mostly we just chit chatted about her hair and other girlie stuff. I really don't want to know what's going on, cuz that's a real buzz kill, so I don't ask....I am trying out the cool Aunt routine now. SHUT UP! I can to be a cool Aunt. Geez....

My sister that lives here, S, she's 10 years younger than me and is a major pain in my ass. I know, I'm not supposed to be complaining, but this really isn't a complaint as much as stating fact. This girl is a true pain the the ass, no really, she is. She's mad at me AGAIN, she's always pissed at me for something. This time it's because I said that I didn't think there was much to do for K until she wants to help herself. S got all sulky and slammed the door and left when I said that. I'm not exactly sure what she wants ME to do about it, I called S, of course she didn't pick up the phone, and asked her just what she thinks I should do or whom I should call. Because she's real mature like that she called me right back and told me who I should call, NOT. She is just sulking that I don't love K like her and that I am doing nothing for the situation. Mind you, S is perfectly capable of dialing the phone as much as I am, but for some reason it's MY job. And I don't even want K back here. MAJOR sigh. Lawd, 9 days out of 10 I seriously wish I was a only child!

S is having her gallbladder out next Tuesday and I can already sense the drama coming with that one. I can already tell you that she will be in the most pain of anybody who has ever had their gallbladder removed, especially yours truly, and will be such a big baby about the whole bloody ordeal that I will be forced, shoved really, to bite my own hand in order to prevent myself from smacking her right between the eyes. Yes,the love between us is almost palatable, I know you can feel it right now.

And that note I will close. My Advil PM has indeed kicked in and I am now seeing double. Peace out my blogging peeps. Thanks for everything! !

Please pardon my funk!

Alright, so I am in a funk. I want to make that abundantly cleare at the beginning and at the start of this post. Proceed with caution, you may want to wear protective head gear and an asbestos suit, I’m just saying.

Connor indeed DOES have vitiligo. There is no known cure or cause. It could get a lot worse than it is already or it could stay status quo. It’s just a wait and see kind of deal. He already has a big patch of white below his lip. That’s my biggest fear; I don’t want his little face to be affected. He’s seriously cute. I know that sounds really shallow and unpolitically correct, but I don’t want his cuteness affected in anyway. Everywhere we go people always comment on his cuteness. Does it make me superficial that I want him to stay cute and for nothing to mar that cuteness? Probably. Do I want to apologize for that? No, not really. I’m telling you people, I am in a FUNK. I know there are a lot worse conditions than vitiligo, like skin cancer. I know that. And the fact that he’s already pale like mayonnaise is in our favor because the white patches aren’t as noticeable. It still pisses me off though. Why can’t we just be normal? WHY? Both of my boys are also somewhere on the high functioning autism scale and that’s a whole other drama. And now we get to add this to our repertoire of things that make us different. One more thing I have to explain about, one more thing I need to read about, one more thing I need to worry about. I am exhausted. I just want us to be normal. Before the vitiligo I was at least secure in the knowledge that even if Connor was flapping like a mad man or totally obsessed with the pattern on the wallpaper at least he LOOKED normal. Well, no more. . . And this is really, really bothering me. And it seems totally unfair and it pisses me off. Not to mention the fact that this is one more thing that Connor will have to deal with for the rest of his life. You are welcome son, autism and vitiligo are both genetic, yeah my genes suck big time, sorry about that. Hmm, maybe the whininess and drama queenness runs in the family, you think?

We have to get back to his Pediatrician, I have a call into him, for him to order blood tests to see if there is anything sinister behind the vitiligo. People can have vitiligo without having an autoimmune disease, which is good news, but it isn’t always the case. As I have expressed on this blog before, Connor is a serious drama queen. He lies on the floor sometimes and cries that he can’t move because, “his legs are breaking”, or his neck hurts. What if he has had a disease this whole time and has been having body aches and that’s where SOME of the whining stems from? Oh the guilt. I have yelled at him, swatted his bottom, and made threats if he didn’t get up and move NOW. Now the possibility of learning that maybe he has fibromiliga or something of that caliber and his joint really do ache makes my Mommy guilt scream and cuss and throw a fit. I was telling my friend Candace about my fears and she said, “Don’t worry. Maybe the blood tests will come back and confirm he’s just an overly dramatic little brat.” I said, “Gawd, I hope so”. Then we laughed, who wants their kid to be a spoiled brat? I do, if it’s between that and some kind of autoimmune disease. So, now we just WAIT. And wait. Meanwhile, I am buying stock in Coopertone as we will have to douse him in sun block for the rest of his live long days.

BTW, thank you to Anonymous on my last post. Your comment really did make me feel better. It is refreshing to read about someone who has vitiligo and isn’t in the circus because they look so freaky. You sound like a very well adjusted young lady. Thank you for taking the time to comment, really.

I have news about my sister and the drama down South. It’s a mess. It’s nothing any more dramatic than what’s already been going on. They went to court for T’s battery charge against her ex-husband, her son stood up and told the court all about everything that has been going on in house since the day he can remember, the judge dropped most of the charges against T and ordered her ex back in court the next day, as most of the charges that M leveled were against his Father. We have no idea what happened in court on Friday. T called my Mom on Thursday night and asked is she would foster care all three of the kids if they were taken away from T & G both. T also still needs to go to court for the meth charges she has against her. And no, I haven’t talked to her for about three weeks or more now.

Oh yes, and her other son J is having some serious emotional issues. Surprised, I know so was I? The other day T thought she heard J crying, but it was an odd sound, not like normal crying and she said, “J, are you crying?” J replied, “Oh, that’s not me Mom. It’s George”. Well, they have no George’s who live in that house. I think he must have another personality or something. Lovely. My Mom said, “T, what do you think that means? Do you think maybe you should get him help?” T’s response, the ever nurturing mother, was, “Oh Mom, I know what it means, it means all three of my kids are screwed up and I don’t want to deal with it”. My Mom replied, “Yeah, T I was quite certain that was how you would react”.

All I know for sure about that situation is this. And I know it sounds very cold and cruel of me. I can not take those kids on. If they were babies I would. But at this point all three of them are so screwed up emotionally they are going to need massive amounts of professional help. And I don’t want any of them around my kids. We have enough going on. I know, I know, it sounds awful. I feel like such a bitch for even uttering the words out loud, but it’s the truth. I think J is going to be a serial killer or something. No, I am serious. That kid is seriously messed up and soooooo angry, so angry he’s like a ticking time bomb. When they come up here last summer for a visit, when K still lived with me, he scared Chad and I both. He has this coldness to him that is truly eerie, its bone chilling really. The really sad part about that whole situation is that T left J with us for 4 months when I was pregnant with Trent. He was such a happy baby then. I offered to adopt him and she said No! of course. That’s her son; she would never ever give up custody of any of her kids. I was telling J when they were here visiting what a sweet little baby he was and how I wished I could have kept him forever. He looked at me like he wanted to gut me like a fish. Not kidding. Just cold and mean and so very angry, it was scary. *SIGH* Everything about T and her life and her kids life is infuriating, sad, a colossal waste of potential, and so unfair it makes me want to weep, rage, and scream.

I hope that all the kids get taken away from T & G both and that they are put into intense therapy ASAP. That may save them. All three of those kids are seriously messed up. It’s very sad.

Well, now that I have managed to be a major downer for the whole internet I will close. Thanks for listening to me bitch. Please don’t tell me it could be worse, I am not in the mood to hear that, at all. I am miserable, depressed, and angry right now. I KNOW it could be worse. But it feels pretty bad today and that’s all I know for sure.

A hateful meme

10 Things I HATE meme. . . (thanks Mommy of the Record!)

1. Target. Now, before you get all up in arms, let me explain. I normally LOVE Target. But, when I went there last week looking for sandals for the boys I was spewing hatred for my beloved Target. Why you ask? Well, let me tell ya' why. Do you know they had 87 aisles of shoes for little girls? And only a ½ aisle of shoes for boys, with about 3 pairs of summer shoes, including flip flops. Not kidding. GRRRR. That really steams me up, man. Does Target not realize that little boys get hot feet too?

2. Cancer. I just found that a really good family friend has cancer. Why hasn’t this awful disease been cured yet, huh? HUH? WHY?

3. Discrimination. I really hate it when people assume they know you based solely on your appearance. Be it your skin color, your race, your religion, or your weight. I am a BIG girl. It really steams me up when people assume I eat all day every day just because I am big. I actually eat as much or less than “normally” sized people. My body just doesn’t know it’s supposed to BURN the calories instead of saving them for a rainy day. *sigh* I also hate it when people assume that since I am big I don’t care about my appearance or that I don’t like cute clothes, shoes, what have you. What’s up with THAT?!?! Or that because I’m fat I have suddenly been rendered incompetent and am now stupid, and need to be told I should diet. My favorite is, “Have you ever thought about dieting?” GAWD, no, I have NEVER heard of that, could you please explain the concept to me? This extra layer of fat around my middle has made my common sense completely disabled. Thank you so much, you are my savior now, I had no idea that I could actually diet and lose weight! THANKS!!!!! Jerk. Yes, I have dieted, I exercise, I drink slim fast, I take those special vitamins that are supposed to speed up your metabolism, I have taken diet pills, I have went to a dietician for a year at a time, and I don’t hate half of what I would LOVE to eat, NOTHING works. But, thanks for your concern anyway. Idiot.

4. I hate foul language. I know. This makes me incredibly square and probably unpopular as well. I really hate the “F” word. I think there is so many better, more articulate ways to express yourself than using the F bomb. And isn’t it incredibly overused? I mean, come on, when it’s peppered into EVERY single sentence doesn’t it kind of lose its zing? I really hate it when I hear people cussing at college. COME ON people, we’re at an institute of higher learning. You aren’t creative enough to think up a more descriptive adjective?!?!? Use your imagination and come up with a better way to express yourself. **please note, I am not judging anyone for using foul language on their own blogs. It’s your blog. Swear up a storm. I’m just sayin’…. **

5. Bad manners. As in not saying “thank you” for a simple gesture. If I send you a package in the mail or give you a present, a simple thank you would be awesome. A thank you note would be even BETTER. But, that’s just me.

6. Bad movies. If I am going to spend 2 hours watching a movie it better be good.

7. Commercializing of everything. Does every single occasion have to be marked with gift giving and excess? Good Lord. It’s ridiculous. I don’t even celebrate Holidays and it still annoys me.

8. Kids TV commercials. We don’t have cable TV mostly because I hate for my kids to watch Nickelodeon or Disney and see all those TV commercials aimed at kids. They get the “I gotta have its” in a BAD way. And it’s just not good for any kid to have so much crap. And believe you me when I say that my kids have a TON of crap already. They don’t need one thing more--possibly in their lifetime, I am not sure about that. I’ll get back to you on that one.

9. Violence. I really hate violence in any forms. On TV, in the movies, in real life, and I think it’s sad how violence is exploited and sometimes glorified in our every day life. It starts to lose its shock value, which I think is a very dangerous trend.

10. Bad parents. Now, I am not saying that I will be nominated as Mother of the Year for 2006. However, I hate parents who are so selfish that they won’t stop what they are doing and ask themselves how it is affecting their children. That they brought into this world. I mean, come on. You can’t look at your kids and decide to stop drinking, or doing drugs, or whatever your destructive vice is, maybe even bad relationships, for the good of your children? I sure do wish we could legally force stupid people who do drugs, or drink, or abuse their children to be, I don’t know, sterilized maybe? Okay, maybe that’s severe. I don’t know. It sure doesn’t seem like our current system is working very well is all I’m saying.

Okay, this list was supposed to be 15 or 20 items long, depending on whose blog you look at. But, I have gotten myself all steamed up now so I will stop at 10. Unless I think of more garbage I wanna get off my chest, then I’ll amend my list!

I tag whoever wants to be tagged. I don’t know…talk amongst yourselves and decide who needs tagged! You’re IT, GOOOOOO…..run……!!!

Issues, so very many issues

Issue 1. A few of you expressed concern after my last post that I was considering taking K back in. Not to worry. Chad and I have came to a firm decision on this one. We will NOT allow K. To come back into our home to live. It caused a plethora of problems last time and we are just not ready to do that drama again. My Mom and S even agree with us and that folks is a TRUE blue miracle.

Issue 2a. I have not talked to T for a few weeks now. I told my Mom about somebody's, can't remember who's, BRILLIANT idea to send T a letter and have her sign and notarize it saying she was responsible for the debt. Mom agreed it was a BRILLIANT idea but said I would NEVER succeed in getting T to follow through and actually do it. *sigh* However.....

Issue 2b. Chad and are in the midst of going through a debt help place. You know, one of those places that helps you to negoite for lower interest rates with your creditors and sets up a repayment plan with the creditors to stop all the late fees, late fees on the late fees, overlimit fees, overlimit fees on the overlimit fees, and ect....Chad attempted to add the braces people to that plan and the braces debt is not even on my credit report. As in there is no listing that I even owe those people money. SOOOO, now I wonder if that mean souless devil creditor man was just lying to me {shocking thought, i know. Try and pick yourself up off the floor with that one folks...}. Maybe the debt really is in T's name? Doesn't it seem like if it was in my name it would show up on my credit report? What would YOU do? I can't remember on the contract if I was required to put in my social or not. And of course one day in a paperwork frenzy I shredded up that contract thinking it was all taken care of. Dumb, I know, VERY dumb. i have made so many istakes on this whole deal I can't even remember them all. *SIGH* I should not be allowed to deal with money or contracts or anything EVER again.

Issue 3a. Connor has these weird white patches of skin on his elbows, knees, top of his feet, and hands. My Mom took him to his pediatrician Thursday and Dr L said he thinks Connor may have vitiligo, isn't that what Michael Jackson said he had and had to bleach his skin as a result?? GREAT. Dr L also referred to him a dermatologist. We go to see that new Doc Thursday. Dr L warned us the new Doc will probably want to do a biopsy of the wierdo rash to figure what is is. Can't wait for that with Mr. Drama Connor himself. I did some research on vitiligo and promptly freaked myself out. Therefore, I decided it's in the best interests of my emotional health and blood pressure to not do any more research until we find out for sure what this weird skin condition is. Basically vitiligo is a genetic condition (GUILT, so much guilt) and is sometimes the result of a more serious DISEASE. *GULP* And I am having skin issues of my own....

Issue 3b. Albeit they are much less potentially serious than Connor's skin irriations. I have been using the new Vaseline Healthy glow lotion. It has a "touch" of sunless tanner included in the regular Vaseline lotion. Holy Stinking cow, they weren't a kiddin'. I have a VERY healthy looking tan indeed, in only two days. The stuff works awesome, you can get it at your local friendly Target store. Because you are my friend, I will give you this bit of advice. Be sure to put some of the lotion on your feet if you choose to use it. I was staring at my calves Friday at work {I was wearing capris}, because I don't know why, I think I was bored out of my mind, and noticed how TANNED my-big-as-tree-trunks-calves-looked. Holy Moly, I thought, that stuff works FAST. Then I glanced at my feet, admiring my cute sandals, and also noticing I need a pedicure, again DAMN IT. My feet were as white as the day i was born. I looked like I had nylons on that ended at my chubby ankles. Not a cute look in case you were wondering! Yesterday after I showered I was sure to put the lotion on my feet, they are looking a little bit better, but now a little streaky. *****GRRRRRRRR***** Good Lord, I am just not sure if I want a healthy glow anymore. Does everybody else have these problems or is just me?

Oh, and this really isn't a issue, but Connor finally lost that tooth that gave us so much grief a month or so ago. Hallelujah!!! He looks cute and like such a big boy now. My Grandma gave him a green dollar and that made all the pain and turmoil worth it for him. :) The kid LOVES green dollars, but then who doesn't?