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Dearest Tom Cruise,
As you may or may not know, I have been having wild & unladylike fantasies about you for years. That smile, those cheeks, *swoon*. I have been a HUGE groupie of yours since "Top Gun", and you know how much that ages the both of us. Therefore, I think you will understand when I make this simple request.
Please. Stop. Talking. Can't you just look pretty or only speak when it's been carefully scripted in a Hollywood blockbuster? I am afraid to say that you are a complete and utter freak. I have been defending you for like forever and refused to believe those tabloid headlines about you enjoying the man love or that you were actually an alien from a faraway planet where the men are a little on the petite side and wink at chubby girls. I have stood by your side, Tom! Through thick and thin, I was still your biggest fan even after those stinker movies , "eyes wide shut" and "minority report". But, dude, the more you talk, the more my delusions about you are destroyed. I just watched "Primetime Live" because I couldn't help myself, and I just wanted you to SHUT UP. I am trying so hard to be tolerate, but this Scientology gig of yours is just too wired. And everytime you gush about your Katie I can't help but think of poor Nicole and before her, Mimi. And, well, that's just not cool. Are you gonna dump me next, huh, Tom, are you?? That's what I THOUGHT. WELL, HMPH, I have therefore decided not to see any more of your movies then. How do you like that you egomanical idiot?
Wait, wait, wait,let's not be make a harsh decision here, Tommy, you and I go a long ways back, and i wouldn't want us to end things badly. . .
Let's consider this a trial separation. I'll see MI3, you see if you can keep your beautiful mouth shut and we'll go from there, kay?
Friday, April 14, 2006
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5 comments:
I am glad you have FINALLY seen the light! I have wanted him to stop talking for the last twenty years, although I know you have been his number one fan forever.
Poor Katie.
Poor Nicole.
Who is Mimi?
Mimi Rogers, his first wife. Granted she does look so much older than him and seems kinda bitchy, but come ON!
There is this creepy thing about Scientology no one ever mentions - they play hardball and dirty... they probably have some kind of dirt on him to make him talk that way, lest they destroy him with their dirt.
Can nothing else explain why John Travolta, with all the hits he'd been rolling in with, did that crap sci-fi dud-buster Battlefield Earth - a fiction book written by L.Ron Hubbard, father of the scientology CULT???
Check it out... it could be they simply have him by the nads and will NOT let go...
Wop- you bring up interesting points, how would one go about checking something like this out? Do you know people in your 'biz or what? Is there like a booth I could visit somewhere? (hehehheeh)
Egomanicial says it all. I have to agree with you on this one.
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