Another revolving episode of "As the Stomach Turns"

As we last left our Heroine she was contemplating her bleak future if she was saddled with her wild, hell raising niece, K. On the day she learned her sister, T, K's Mom, was in jail she wondered how this situation could become even more bleak.

Little did she know that by thinking such a naive thought she tempted the soap opera God's. Indeed things could get worse..Much worse...

As she sat bawling, like a little girl, in her Mountaineer on a 157 degree day in the hubcaps of Hell our Heroine once again thought, "Okay, well, now THIS situation has indeed gotten as bad as it can get". Do you hear that?!?!? Yes, it's the evil maniacal laugh of the soap opera God's once again laughing at her stupidity, and faith in mankind in general.

Cue to Thursday evening. Our Heroine innocently enough answers the phone when she sees it's her baby sister, T, on the line. Her situation seemed to be looking up when T assumed responsibility for the braces debt and chewed up Satan's servant (aka the soulless bill collector) and spit him out like a used piece of flavorless chewing gum. WELL, T was calling to tell our Heroine that she didn't know if she'd be able to deal with the braces issue or not because, well, a) CPS was breathing down her neck threatening to take her kids away and she may be needing to go on the lamb to hide from the powers-that-be, b) She was arrested for being high on meth and is being court ordered to counseling, NA and AA meetings, and a big fat fine, which makes being on the lamb that much more attractive, and c) Indeed, she truly didn't sign ANYTHING with the braces people because, well, they wanted $200 when she signed and she just didn't have the money at the time because, well, she was doing meth and stuff.

Can you hear our Heroine's silent screams and general gnashing of teeth. God knows I can. *sigh*

Today our fearful and exhausted Heroine got a notice from the Post Office that she had a certified letter addressed to "Jodi G***", our ever thinking on her feet, Heroine is assuming it's from Satan's right hand man, souless bill collector guy. Gray is NOT our heroine's last name, it's her niece's last name. In an attempt to not commit mail fraud and add yet another crime to her rap sheet that she's sure will be existent any day now if things continue on this path, she rejected signing for said letter stating she was not, nor has she ever been, Jodi G***. Our Heroine is hoping that wasn't a stupid and assine move on her part. When she is sitting in Debtors prison she will let you know how that worked out for her. . .

Our Heroine's AWESOME husband is a mechanic. He is "seeing" a lawyer friend's car on Monday. He is hoping to obtain some free legal advice from the lawyer while he works on his car. Our Heroine's husband has become rather attached to our Heroine and he doesn't want to see her sit in debtors prison or have a rap sheet, either one. Our Heroine has received some wonderful advice from her soap opera watching peeps, and is drafting a letter to send to T stating that T is taking responsibility for the debt, she is going to plead, lie, and bribe {see, I'm living a life of crime ALREADY} if she has to in order to get T to sign and notarize said letter. Our Heroine is sincerely hoping she can track T down and then get her to get a letter notarized in her meth/alcohol stupper. This is all contigent, of course, on if T can keep her skinny, white ass out of County Jail, which at this point seems a little unlikely. As of this morning, our computer savvy Heroine logged on to Orange County's website and T was NOT in jail nor has a warrant out for her arrest. T, of course, isn't answering her phone, because, well, she's a meth head/drunk and probably can't find the phone. She may even be sleeping in the park, who knows. *sigh*

Tune in next time as our Heroine faces time in debtors prison. She is hoping she isn't forced to join some kind of debtors prison gang. She has heard that people with bad credit are FIERCE and aren't people you want to mess with. The "Let's knife the MAN" gang is said to be ruthless and affiliation is required of all prisoners . *sigh*

How I know my mascara is waterproof & I have a really great husband!

As you may or may not recall, my life has been a wee bit stressful as of late. Yesterday it seems that it all came crashing down on my head in the form of hysterical crying and temper tanturms all arouond. I went to work with a roaring headache. We were learning one of the 300 zillion computer programs that we need to master in order to tell Mrs. Jones that yes, indeed, she has a $5 copay. *sigh* I guess that's why we're in training for 11 weeks. Anyhoo, after work I dragged my headachey, tired butt to the grocery store. I bought groceries. It felt like it was 150 degrees in Winco and everybody, his brother, and their cousin twice removed also decided to go grocery shopping. I drag my tired, fat, achy, headachy, butt out to the car and load all $150 worth of groceries into the car. I congratulated myself on going to the store when I feel crappy and just didn't wanna go. I start to drive home, my cell phone rings. It's my sister, S., saying that somebody called her and that I needed to call back ASAP about a lawsuit.I am to call Mean Bill Collector with has no soul back immediately! What the HELL, sued by who, Target for not being in enough lately? I drive about 2 miles and pull into a gas station and call back the mysterious 1-800#....Cue dramatic scary music now and a wierd kinda screen that tells you we are going back in time for some background info....

Remember my rebel niece, K., that lived with us for a year?! Of course you do. Well, when she lived with me I, stupidly, got her braces, that she desperately needed. I paid the payments for about 5 months until K. decided to go live with her Mom. When they all decided the best place for K. was with T. I very lovingly said, "here's the braces payment book, the payments are due on the 5th". I then called the orthodontist, a national chain, explained the situation and gave them all of T.'s info. The nice friendly people from the corporate office said no problem, this happens all the time. That was in about December or January I think. i have heard not ONE word from the national orthodontist and am assuming everything is cool, or as cool as it gets when you are dealing with T.--until yesterday.

I call the 1-800# and it's a collection agency. A VERY mean, horrible man told me I had until yesterday at 5PM to give his collection agency $1500 or he was suing me and garnishing my paycheck because my sister T. has not made ONE payment on those damn braces, yes she's an idiot. I very patiently explained the whole situation to the sadistic bill collector. He said it didn't matter, I signed the contract, it was my responsibility, period. We argued, I told him this was the first I heard that the account was even in default, I have literally not received ONE piece of paperwork from this company. He gave me T.'s address and asked if that was my address why wasn't I reading my mail? I try to explain that everything was in T.'s name and that was HER address, so no, I don't get mail there, and it's 10 hours away. He said it didn't matter, he insulted me, made all kinds of threats and generally scared the sh*t out of me. After about 15 minutes we hung up and I was to call him back today with a credit card number to pay the company $1500, even after I told him I didn't have $15 let alone $1500, or I was going to be sued and after the lawyers got done with me I would owe double.

I hung up the phone from him, start shaking and then started BAWLING. I'm talking major hysteria, somebody died, bawling. And, I am not a crier, I NEVER cry. I was hysterical. I called my Mom and asked her to PLEASE try and call T. I was literally sobbing. It was quite pathetic. Then I realized I was gonna have to tell Chad that after all OUR own money problems that now I would be working for free because my wages were being garnished. Then I started hyperventilating and must have looked like I was having a seizure. I am surprised nobody called 9-1-1 on the sweaty, hysterical woman in the Beacon gas station sitting in her idling car with a car full of melting ice cream and popsicles.

I drove up the hill to Chad's workplace. I had called him as well, hysterical beside my self with panic, and asked him to wait for me. I told him the whole story and how sorry I was and what an idiot I was to sign a contract for K.'s braces and i was just dumb. He started rubbing my hand, wiping my tears, and telling me it was okay. He knew why I wanted her to have braces and he had helped me to decide that getting them for her was a good idea. He said not to worry, he'd call the company tomorrow and see if he could make payment arrangements for a $100 a paycheck, (which for us right now feels like a million $$$$$) until it was paid off. Everything would be okay. I was SOOO grateful, I have the best husband EVER. {I was filled with even more gratitue when I looked in my rearview mirror and seen that there wasn't a flake of mascara anywhere and my lashes still "popped", because really in these types of situations isn't that what's important?} Oh yeah, hubby, so yeah, I was so thankful he didn't blow a gasket, as he had a right too, and he never. In true Chad fashion he stayed calm, cool, and collected and kept reassuring me it was okay and he wasn't mad.

Fast forward to this morning. My Mom got a hold of T. T. called me, I gave her the story, she called mean collection guy and they yelled and screamed at each other all morning I guess. She made a ton more calls. I think I am in the clear, for now. She told anybody that would listen that SHE was financially responsible for K.'s bills, not me, and that they all better leave me alone, because and I quote, "Jodi is not street wise. She doesn't know how this stuff works. I do. You're being an asshole, you know it and I know it, so you better back off and leave my sister ALONE!". Alrighty then. I am sure mean collection souless guy is wishing he would have NEVER tried to collect on this debt because whatever his commission is it won't be enough for the aggravation he'll get from T. Lordy. If it wasn't me and my paycheck, I would actually laugh, because, well, T. is all about being passionate and fighting for the underdog, which in this case is yours truly, and she doesn't care who's toes she steps on in the process. She swears up and down at some point that she signed a paper saying she was responsible for those braces, and if that's the case, then mean guy had NO business calling me. T. has a bit of a problem with remembering events with any accuracy, so i praying that this time she got it RIGHT. *sigh* I am grateful she's in the mood to be my friend and not my foe this week too, because with her I have about a 50/50 shot either way. Frankly it's a crap shoot.

If anybody has any advice or knowledge of such messy situations such as this, I am all ears. And with that I am off to bed. It's another day tomorrow, which means more computer systems and more things I need to know. I need my beauty sleep, now more than ever! Remind me to tell you about hung over girl in training today....

Women....

Geez, I don't know what's up with me lately, I am just full of all kinds of deep thoughts. Lordy. Please excuse me. I hope my sense of humor returns post haste.

Stephanie touched on it here. And Jenn touched on it here. And I can't forget Mom 101, who needs more comments like a hole in the head, but she summed it up well here too. What is up with our fellow women, I ask you? I recently was awarded a $300 scholarship from a local business women's organization, which was awesome, and I was invited to attend their monthly meeting to receive my award. There were two of us women who rec'd the scholarship. My fellow awardee has just rec'd her BA and her degree was in women's studies or something to that effect. The local business women were all atwitter by this news obviously, since it's what their organization is all about, I think a few were wondering why they gave ME an award as well, but that's a whole other post. After my fellow awardee's announcement about her degree, a big discussion ensued about women supporting other women and how it's still generally a man's world, blah, blah, blah.

One of the members sitting to my right spoke up, quite bravely I may add, "You know, I have to say, that at my job, she works at the local university, the people who I have the most problems with and who try to keep in my "place" the most often are not the men, but rather my fellow WOMEN". The room grew silent. You could hear a pin drop. Some of the members starting nervously shifting in their seats while doing the classic-woman-thingy, picking imaginary lint of the banquet table cloth or their classicly stylish skirt and sensible shoes. Finally, another member quickly changed the subject. Since I am a rebel rouser I turned to the brave woman and told her that I totally understood what she was talking about. In my former life, i.e before my kids, I was in banking. And the most ruthless people I encountered, in the business context and out, were women. I told this woman, I have forgotten her name, about the recent brouhaha in the blogging world between working women vs. The stay-at-home-mom's. She laughed. "Oh, honey, that's old news!" She said that this war between the work- at- homes and the work- outside- of -the- homes mummy's has been going on for decades now, ever since women were allowed into the work place.

I sat there thinking, how sad. Why can't women just support one another? Why can't it be okay for one Mom to feel totally fulfilled with being at home doing the hardest job in the whole world, and for another Mom to go into the working world either out of necessity or out of desire without one or the other of the women being attacked for their choices? Why can't we just support one another and give each other props for making it through yet another day without losing our ever loving minds? Is it guilt? Is it our competitive nature? Are women, at the core, just trying to claw their way to the top of the heap? Is this only a problem we have in the United States? Do other nation's women have inner fighting as well? I just don't know. Do you? I just know that it saddens me. And when I refer to THOSE women, I'm of course NOT talking about you. You're one of the most supportive women I know, obviously.

And the whole subject makes me ascared to once again be entering the lion's den with a bunch of catty women! Although, it may provide good blogging fodder, and, well, that's always a good thing, right?