Lonely

I have concluded, on my many a sleepless night, that I need a friend like me. A friend that will listen to my deep dark secrets, worries, and fears without getting completely wigged out. I need a friend who will text or email me even while she's on vacation just to check in to say hello. I need a friend who will call me just to chat. I need a friend who understands that although I LOVE and ADORE my kids there is more to me than just a Mommy.

I don't like to toot my own horn, but I AM a friend like this. And I am lonely. And I wish I had a friend like me. I watched Sex & the City Friday. Do you think people have girlfriends like that in real life? And if they do, where do they find such great bosom buddies who will fly off to Mexico with them when their fiance leaves them at the altar? And, if these girlfriends aren't a Urban myth, where can I find a Sex & the City girlfriend(s) of my very own?

I also seen Candace this weekend and she said that I need therapy. I don't need a friend, I need a therapist. Ouch. Although, to be fair, I did tell her I feel like I am inching closer and closer to a breakdown on the really bad days, that's probably why she thinks I need a therapist. Although I like to think I am part social worker/quasi therapist; Candace draws the line at anything remotely personal and I make her want to crawl out of her skin quite often. She doesn't even like to watch Dateline or Law & Order, because it all gives her a stomach ache. So, needless to say, with all my various issues I cause her a great degree of stomach discomfort, ulcers, and possibly a bad case of colitis.

I don't know. I fear my loneliness is quite complicated and multi-layered. Sort of like a 7-layer-bean dip, only not half as appetizing or as nice to look at.

Super Mommy and I are friends, but only at work. She can barely squeeze me in for lunch, and even when we do go to lunch we usually have her Mom and her 4-year-old son chaperoning our conversations lest we get too serious or too personal. Her real life is much to full and busy for the likes of me. She has enough needy little people in her life that she doesn't need a fat, depressed, 5'9 WHITE girlfriend tugging at her sleeve too. Frankly I afraid that I am the wrong race for Super Mommy and I to ever be really good friends. I fear she will never really let me in, because I'm "white" and she just doesn't enjoy or trust "white" people. *sigh*

I have Chad. And I love and adore him and he IS my best friend. But, I still yearn for a best girly friend.

So, how about you? Where did you meet your greatest friends? Do you think it's possible to have Sex & the city girlfriends in real life? Is your husband your best friend and is he enough?