Friday, January 25, 2008

I fell in a snow bank and couldn't get up

I fell after work in the parking lot of work on Tuesday because it was literally like a skating rink out there. I am fine. Thank goodness for my very large behind that I landed on and that it was 5:30 so nobody seen me. My 80-year-old coworker had baked Chad a pie because he had shoveled for her when it snowed 27 times ago. I was carrying the homemade pie when I fell and it slid way across the parking lot sort of like a very large hockey puck, if I was playing hockey I would have TOTALLY made a goal. After I fell I looked around and thought DAMN IT, now I have to get up and retrieve that pie on the freaking other side of the parking lot. Of course my purse went the complete opposite way. I had to re slide to other freaking side of the parking to pick that up and then I then discovered that I had a purse full of snow and ice. I am thinking if somebody was taping me we could have won $10,000 on AFV. The pie actually didn't break, isn't that amazing? I was really hoping for huge bruises on me to prove that I fell, but instead I was just super sore on Wednesday and looked like Frankenstein. My butt hurt, my knee hurt, my elbow hurt and I was moving oh so very slowly. *sigh*

YES, I am super duper happy we moved to where it snows every freaking day for 4 months straight, thanks for asking.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Huh?


Do you ever have a kind of day when you look around and wonder "who's life this is anyway?" And what in the hell am I doing here?
You have?! Oh good. Then you won't find my news very shocking or surprising. For one, this weekend we have a BLIZZARD warning for our area. A what?! Am I still in California? I know the map says we are in California, but the weather says we are in Montana or Idaho or something. And I'm from Montana so I know Montana weather when I see it. And blizzard warnings are NOT California weather okay. Chad is thrilled and can't stop smiling. The sick SOB. We have plenty of firewood split, we have the necessary staples like rum, chocolate, lamp oil, and trashy novels to read in case the power goes out for 5 days and I am stuck in this house with two exuberant boys and their father whom I may want to stick in a snow bank until spring. I'm just sayin'.
Speaking of sick SOB's and Montana. My MIL. *sigh* She is crazy. No, I'm not just saying that, the woman is certifiable. She is paranoid and thinks her 69-year-old husband is having an affair and his mistress and her mother are trying to kill her. It's a long and sad tale I don't care to recount. You wouldn't believe me anyway because it is that crazy. Oh, and did I mention she is having severe memory loss? And she hates ME, like completely despises me and even in her bat shit crazy state seems to remember that little detail. That isn't new, she has always hated me, has told me she hates me, and will never forgive me for tricking Chad into marrying me and moving him to California. Oh yes, the woman and I have a fantabulous relationship. What is her diagnosis you ask? Oh, they have never bothered to get her any help or find out what is causing said paranoia and memory loss, because well, that would just be something sane people do, and neither her crazy husband or the rest of them have any sanity between them. ANYWAY, Chad talked to his step dad on New Year's and he said that he can't imagine he'll be able to keep caring for MIL for too much longer and he needs Chad's help. So, Chad gets off the phone and tells me to start mentally preparing myself because we will probably need to move back to Montana in a few years to care for his Mother & he really hopes I will support him in that decision. HUH? WWWWHHHHHAAATTTTTT? I just sat there looking at him dumbfounded. I told him the very first thing he needs to do is see if he can get his mother diagnosed so they can see what the problem is and if she can be treated and if she even wants help. We want to Montana two winters in a row under the guise of getting her some help and were met with zero cooperation and roadblocked at every turn. So, I am thinking that a lot of details need to be looked at before he drags me back into hell.
I truly cannot imagine moving back to Montana, I really do not like it there one little tiny bit. Especially if I had to live next to his whole family, he has five brothers & sisters. WHO HATE ME. Ohmyword. Chad wants to move back to Montana so bad he can't stand it and it makes me weak in the knees and light headed, and not in a good way either, even contemplating the possibilities. Part of the reason I agreed to move here was to try and appease him and keep us out of Montana. It seems as though all I may have done is put off the inevitable. Meanwhile, I am living somewhere with a blizzard warning. Oh, I love, love, love my life.
Crazydruggiesister jumped bail and is now wanted for having a dirty drug test because she is using heroine. Yes, heroine. She couldn't just stay a simple meth user, or no, she had to upgrade to heroine. Good Lawd. It makes me so proud I can't stand it. I sit and shake my head in disgust and am worried sick about her all at the same time.
*sigh* And this, my dear blogging peeps, is why I am up at 3:15Am with heart burp. Heart burp you say? Yes, heart burp, it's a word we coined in my "family of origin" due to our ever increasing gastrointestinal distresses brought on by stress. Heart burp is kind of like acid indigestion or heart burn, but adds a special element of nausea and severe anxiety in just for fun. So far the Pepto people haven't came up with a special medication for heart burp, but I am waiting patiently.
On a thankful note; Thank you for all your words of wisdom about MY crazy mother. I appreciate every word of advice and took it all to heart! I sent her a email telling her to back off, basically, and that I am sick and tired of her double standards. We, she, has never addressed the email per say but has not made any more little sarcastic passive aggressive bitchy comments cloaked in concern either. So, we'll see. Hopefully the more I tell her to back off the more she will get the message and really back off.
So, that's all. Another installment of "Whose life is this anyway?!?!?"