Saturday, December 27, 2008

R-E-S-P-E-C-T






Hi, how are you? I haven't heard from you in FOREVER! What's going on with you? I feel like all I ever do is bitch here these days. Thank you to my 2.3 readers who haven't wandered off, you deserve a award! I am normally not such a negative Nelly. But, these days that's what I am. Pissed off and wanting to talk about it!
Here's a newsflash. My family does not respect me, thus the eye catching title and offensive clip art. I am supposed to be at a family dinner right this second. But, I opted out. My mother and newly skinny Vegan sister really pushed my buttons and I told them to go to hell. And then I sent an email to my Mom and told her as much. I also said that I was tired of being treated like a simple minded fat girl that they could just push around at will. And I wasn't coming for the dinner. On principal. Needless to say they are all pissed off at me. Chad is at the dinner, because two of his brothers are there, (Vegan sister and I married brothers and oh Lordy does it make family crap complicated) and I understand, kinda. I kind of feel like he betrayed me too, but it's a tough spot for him to be in. *sigh* Ugh. The whole thing makes me want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.
Everything else in life is okay. I am pissed off a lot. People annoy the hell out of me on a semi daily basis. Especially people I am related too.
My Grandma got moved to a nursing home. The last I heard she is doing okay. She is holding on to see Vegan sister reach her goal weight, not kidding. Dear Grandma is all about being skinny and looking good and she is so proud of Vegan sister she can barely see straight. Unfortunately losing weight did not make either of them nice people.
Work is okay too. Very busy. Dragon Lady has been tolerable lately. Am still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am heading to Vegas for training again in January. I am going to make it to New York, New York this trip! I was in Vegas for training a few weeks ago and stayed at Caesar's Palace and walked all around the fancy Forum shops and seen some real live call girls. It was the highlight of my trip.
So, tell me. Who has been pissing you off lately? Tell Pollyanna all about it, darlin'.

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Grandma

Dear Grandma,

I have to go and see you tomorrow in the ICU unit at the hospital. You may not even live through the night. I am already thinking about what I will say at your funeral when your obnixous daughter wants me to stand up and talk. Here's what's on my mind.

I love you even though you are not a nice person. I don't think you ever were a nice person. Even before Grandpa. But, you are my Grandma and I love you anyway.

I love you even though you weren't the sort of Grandma who gave out cookies or money. You did, however, make the best homemade bread in the world. You would count the calories that went into that bread and then into my mouth, but it was always worth it!

I love you even though you believe that you can never be too rich or too thin. And you feel that no matter the price you have to pay, it's always worth it if you can be really rich and runway model skinny. The end always justify the means. It goes without saying that you haven't been to impressed with my progress in life.

I love you because although you intent is good, or so I like to believe anyway, your delivery is almost always off ,and you love your children fiercely. For the most part your children are a reflection of you and as a result are not good people. They are greedy, mean spirited, sneaky, cruel, and pretentious as hell, just like you. You don't seem to notice though and love your children like a Mother should.

I love you even though you really and truly believes that a good wife will do whatever it takes to make her husband happy. As a result you turned a blind eye when Grandpa beat your children and molested your daughters. It was the 50's and I don't think you knew what else to do. I theorize that you didn't think that you deserved anyone better. The results, as one can imagine, have been devastating, unforgiving, and downright cruel. The ripple effects will be felt for generations to come.

I love you because you used to drive on people's lawns after they had oiled the streets in our little town in Montana, in order to keep down the dust, because you didn't want to get your car dirty. The fact that you were trampling on someone else's private property never seemed to occur to you or bother you. You just knew you didn't want that damn oil getting on your clean car!

I love you even though your love of money would override your sense of conscience and you did some really unkind and selfish acts in order to gain or save a few dollars.

I love you even though you resent children, including my own, and feel that their only purpose in life is too annoy you and steal away attention that would normally be directed towards you.

I love you because you are a drama queen and make no apologies for it.

I love you even though you are a prejudiced so-and-so who doesn't mind voicing your opinions about any race, culture, or creed that doesn't look "white" to her. Never mind the fact that you have always looked very American Indian yourself with your olive skin and jet black hair that didn't even get salt & peppered until you were 80 years old.

I love you because you always call me dear or sweetheart or honey. Oh, and you always gives me a little peck on the cheek.

I love you because you have charm that you can turn on and off at will, when you feel that your kindness or tears will yield you a reward. You are quite the manipulator and know how to get what you want, that's for sure.

I love you even though when I am in a feisty mood, being a bitch, or feeling very adamant about any given subject my Mother will say, "You remind me of your Grandma D so much sometimes". And that, my dear blogging peeps, is not a compliment.

I love you even though you are dying of kidney failure, heart failure, needs surgery that you probably won't live through, yet are still so predictable that I know your reactions before anyone even has to tell me what happened. (e.g. Vegan Sister lost 98 lbs (whatever, I don't want to talk about it thankyouverymuch) and even though you are dying you propped herself up in bed, sent the Doctors away, and asked Vegan Sister to sit next to the bed just so you could look at her and her new found thinness).

Oh Grandma, I knew you were going to do that as soon as Vegan Sister started losing weight. Which is exactly the reason I do not want to go and see you. I haven't lost any weight at all and I can't bear to see the embarrsement and disappointment in your eyes. And I really don't want you to tell me how I can do it since Vegan Sister did, but you will . And as a result of my deep seated shame long ago placed there on my fat shoulders by you, shame I have been unwilling to let go of , I will slink into your hospital room tomorrow in the cardiac ICU and hope you are so happy to see me and that you don't notice. But, of course you will and I will obsess about it for weeks. Long after you have died, I am sure. *sigh*

I love you Grandma, obvious glaring warts and all, and I always will.