Another revolving episode of "As the Stomach Turns"

As we last left our Heroine she was contemplating her bleak future if she was saddled with her wild, hell raising niece, K. On the day she learned her sister, T, K's Mom, was in jail she wondered how this situation could become even more bleak.

Little did she know that by thinking such a naive thought she tempted the soap opera God's. Indeed things could get worse..Much worse...

As she sat bawling, like a little girl, in her Mountaineer on a 157 degree day in the hubcaps of Hell our Heroine once again thought, "Okay, well, now THIS situation has indeed gotten as bad as it can get". Do you hear that?!?!? Yes, it's the evil maniacal laugh of the soap opera God's once again laughing at her stupidity, and faith in mankind in general.

Cue to Thursday evening. Our Heroine innocently enough answers the phone when she sees it's her baby sister, T, on the line. Her situation seemed to be looking up when T assumed responsibility for the braces debt and chewed up Satan's servant (aka the soulless bill collector) and spit him out like a used piece of flavorless chewing gum. WELL, T was calling to tell our Heroine that she didn't know if she'd be able to deal with the braces issue or not because, well, a) CPS was breathing down her neck threatening to take her kids away and she may be needing to go on the lamb to hide from the powers-that-be, b) She was arrested for being high on meth and is being court ordered to counseling, NA and AA meetings, and a big fat fine, which makes being on the lamb that much more attractive, and c) Indeed, she truly didn't sign ANYTHING with the braces people because, well, they wanted $200 when she signed and she just didn't have the money at the time because, well, she was doing meth and stuff.

Can you hear our Heroine's silent screams and general gnashing of teeth. God knows I can. *sigh*

Today our fearful and exhausted Heroine got a notice from the Post Office that she had a certified letter addressed to "Jodi G***", our ever thinking on her feet, Heroine is assuming it's from Satan's right hand man, souless bill collector guy. Gray is NOT our heroine's last name, it's her niece's last name. In an attempt to not commit mail fraud and add yet another crime to her rap sheet that she's sure will be existent any day now if things continue on this path, she rejected signing for said letter stating she was not, nor has she ever been, Jodi G***. Our Heroine is hoping that wasn't a stupid and assine move on her part. When she is sitting in Debtors prison she will let you know how that worked out for her. . .

Our Heroine's AWESOME husband is a mechanic. He is "seeing" a lawyer friend's car on Monday. He is hoping to obtain some free legal advice from the lawyer while he works on his car. Our Heroine's husband has become rather attached to our Heroine and he doesn't want to see her sit in debtors prison or have a rap sheet, either one. Our Heroine has received some wonderful advice from her soap opera watching peeps, and is drafting a letter to send to T stating that T is taking responsibility for the debt, she is going to plead, lie, and bribe {see, I'm living a life of crime ALREADY} if she has to in order to get T to sign and notarize said letter. Our Heroine is sincerely hoping she can track T down and then get her to get a letter notarized in her meth/alcohol stupper. This is all contigent, of course, on if T can keep her skinny, white ass out of County Jail, which at this point seems a little unlikely. As of this morning, our computer savvy Heroine logged on to Orange County's website and T was NOT in jail nor has a warrant out for her arrest. T, of course, isn't answering her phone, because, well, she's a meth head/drunk and probably can't find the phone. She may even be sleeping in the park, who knows. *sigh*

Tune in next time as our Heroine faces time in debtors prison. She is hoping she isn't forced to join some kind of debtors prison gang. She has heard that people with bad credit are FIERCE and aren't people you want to mess with. The "Let's knife the MAN" gang is said to be ruthless and affiliation is required of all prisoners . *sigh*