The never ending saga

To the loyal viewers, er I mean, readers of "The stomach turns", you are in for a treat my sweet blogging peeps! We have a sparkling NEW installment for you hot of the presses, of the rivety, sexy, yet family friendly drama.

When we last left our Heroine she was fretting about her subpoena and the need to testify, she was also all upset about not having a place to rest her weary Soul at work. I am happy to report that both of these issues have resolved themselves, as issues such as these sometimes do.

We will give you all a update on the employment situation first. Our Heroine has not only gotten her desk but she is doing quite swimmingly at her job, thankyouverymuch. She only dropped 4 out of 5 of her transfer calls the first day, and her stats are going up every day from there! Her job seems to be falling into place, thank the Good Lord for that one. She also has news on Creepy Guy! Are you not excited? Don't lie, I know that you are, you've been up nights waiting for news on Creepy Guy, haven't you? Well, get your pillow, 'cuz you'll be sleeping good tonight girlfriend. Appartently when our Heroine was having desk issues her trainer mentioned to the supervisor that under no circumstances was our beautiful, sexy, voluptuous heroine to sit with or share space with Creepy Guy because all hell would break loose if such an unfortunate situation were to present itself. The supervisor looked at our Heroine's trainer and reported that Creepy Guy had made HER uncomfortable as well, but she thought it was just her. Supervisor Supreme said now that she knew he was also making others uncomfortable she would have someone from Management talk to him. Well, either he had a personality transformation or somebody from Management indeed did talk to him. Our Heroine was in the same little set of cubicles for over 3 days with Creepy Guy, and he never looked at her or spoke to her either one. Thank the Good Lord, again! Creepy Guy is now back in training with the same trainer our Heroine had and she inquired if he was being Creepy Guy and Trainer said, not at all, it was obvious somebody had put the fear of the Good Lord into him. WHEW. Our Heroine feels bad and quite bitchy for ratting him out but he was seriously creeping her out. She really feels as though she has done the whole female population a favor. You can send her a thank you card in care of "As the Stomach turns" and address it to: "The Sexiest Heroine to ever grace a soap opera blog, EVER". Thank you in advance for all your cards and letters.

Now, on to our newest saga. Our Heroine was not required to testify after all in the trial against her niece, K's, attackers. The court resolved the case without her. I know, I'm surprised too. Both of the offenders got a year in County jail, 5 years probation, and have to pay fines. I know, I know, it's a sick sick miscarriage of justice, I agree with you. However, our Heroine would be lieing to say she isn't happy to the bottom of her chubby feet that she did NOT have to testify. Apparatently the earth doesn't completely need her help to rotate round and round, WHO KNEW?

So, after our Heroine received the happy news that she didn't have to tesify she was met with the revelation that the authorities are worried about her niece, K. Well, yeah, she's worried about her too. WELL, guess who was sitting in our Heroine's living room this afternoon?! THAT'S RIGHT. The niece, K. In all her teenage rebellion, complete with nose ring and a skanky skirt. *sigh* Her probation officer flew K out for three weeks and if her Mother, T, doesn't straighten up her act in the prespecified three week period of time, K doesn't get to go home to T. And our Heroine uses the word "home" loosely because, well, T is homeless. She has been for a few months now. And she's still doing drugs from what our Heroine can surmise. It's a gigantic, steaming, and stinky mess.

Lest you fret, our Heroine is NOT taking K in. In fact our Heroine, in spite of her ever crushing guilt and thinking she can-cure-the-world's-problems-complex, sent K packing to K's Grandma's this very evening. Our Heroine realizes that is she is still VERY angry about how K left her home and all the ways that K took advantage of our Heroine's generosity and support. And frankly the way K made our Heroine grieve and cry and feel like a complete failure, our Heroine hates messy emotions, is a little hard for our Heroine to come to grips with. All day K was mopping around, in another completely inappropriate outfit for a 14-year-old to be wearing, and missing her boyfriend and her Mother. She kept repeating over and over how much she missed them and how she couldn't wait to go back. For some reason this tripped every emotion in our Heroine and she said, "K, get your stuff, you're going to Grandma's". And then she unceremoniously took K and her crap and drove her over and dropped her off at her Mother's door. Our Heroine is feeling bone crushing guilt about her strong reactions and dumping the problem on her Mom, but she just couldn't stand to look at K, her weepy eyes, or her damn nose ring for one more bloody second. Truth be told, what REALLY sent her over the edge was the 92 calls from K's 17-year-old boyfriend and the cooing in the phone that followed. Right after the cooing K was blue again and missing her crazy druggie Mother and boyfriend and our Heroine just snapped. It's embarrassing to admit. And the guilt, the guilt is something to behold, baby.

Our Heroine's VERY annoying Vegan sister, S, will be home Monday, she is visiting our homeland, Montana, right now, and is going to fix everything as soon as she gets home. Thank goodness, our Heroine has screwed the situation up worse than old Hogan's goat. {Note: The author does not attempt to claim that all Vegan's are annoying, but S is particularly annoying and her Vegan-ness is just barely the tip of the iceberg. Read this and you'll understand, I hope} Vegan sister offered nothing but criticism for all that our Heroine did when the niece lived with our dear, sweet, ever loving Heroine last year and to say VS (vegan sister) was judgmental and a source of contention would be putting it mildly. It will be with bated breath and pure unsurpassing joy that our Heroine will pass the torch that is pain-in-the-ass-14-year-old niece to VS and smile while doing it.

I would be amiss not to mention the fact that our Heroine's children were so happy to see K that they almost wet themselves. That was quickly replaced with sorrow when they realized that not only did K not want to be here, but that she didn't plan on staying. It broke our Heroine's offspring's delicate little hearts. That pisses our Heroine off in ways that can not even be expressed in a family friendly manner.

In fact, the whole situation and her children's tears make our normally calm and logical Heroine want to hunt her crazy druggie sister, T, down and take her by her stringy dyed blond hair and then repeatedly smack her up the side of the head with a parenting book while smashing her meth pipe and hauling her skinny white ass to drug treatment. Never fear, she couldn't find crazy druggie sister if her life depended on it, so there will be violence today. And while our Heroine is very passionate, she is not very coordinated and I don't really think she could kick her sister's ass, WHILE beating her up the side of the head with a parenting book, and smashing her meth pipe, without hurting herself. if you ever had the misfortune to see the girl try and participate in any kind of physical activity you'd know what I was talking about. It's really NOT pretty. However, the whole situation has made our Heroine 3/4 crazy and thinking such violent thoughts that she forgets her own physical limitations for a brief, yet crazed, moment.

And because our Heroine is very complex, in a sultry soap opera-y way,the feelings of violence are right on the heels of enourmous feeling of grief for T and wanting to take really good care of her. *sigh* To say our Heroine feels conflicted is a major understatement. It seems like no matter what, T will always be Jodi's little sister and she will feel the need to fix her. It's a sad, sad fact and one that makes our Heroine angry, sad, disappointed, and worried.

With that we will close out this episode. Tune in next time as our Heroine turns herself in to guilt rehab and laughs herself silly as VS realizes that trying to parent a rebellious 14-year-old with her crazy druggie sister approved nose ring is NOT as easy as it looks on TV.