Posts
Tap, tap, tap on my arm. "Mom, what does PO spell?"
"It doesn't spell anything, Honey."
"Oh, how do you spell poop then? ", inquiring minds want to know. Is the kid planning on competing in a pre-K spelling bee? I have no idea.
"P-o-o-p, Connor Mommy really needs to work on this. Do you want to watch PBS kids?"
"No, that's boring. I will go into my room, okay?" That would be AWESOME. yes, please go.
2 seconds later, "Mom, watch this!" Connor then shows me his latest judo-kick-spider-man move. "Look how high i can jump Mom!"
"Yes, honey that's GREAT! You are soooo strong. Do you want to watch a movie?"
"That's boring, Mom, I will go outside with Daisy", our beagle. Okay, GO! Please, go.
2 seconds later, "Mom, my throat feels dry? Can I have some apple juice? How about some toast? But, not the weird kind with the yucky crust, I mean some normal kind of bread. WAIT! I want to put the toaster down, S T O PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" 35 minutes later Connor has finally stopped crying because I "never let him do anything" and is eating his snack.
"Connor, do you want to watch a movie in Mommy's room with some popcorn? Please". PLEASE.
"That's boring, Mom. I'll paint". ALRIGHTY. Where was I? Oh yes, the dangers of yo-yo dieting.
2 seconds later, tap, tap, tap..."Mom, look what I made! Can I go get the mail? When is Trent, his older brother, getting off the bus, Mom? When do I go to Kindgergarten? (in approximately 110 days, sweetheart) Do you know why the answering machine goes nnnneeennnnn when you don't answer the phone? Hey, is somebody calling? Is it a bill? How come you and Daddy have so many bills? Mom, why does Daisy lick her butt? Mom, can I mop the floor? Mom, will you get me on dotcom? i wanna go to Cartoon Network and play some violent games. I mean video games. MOM. Can you hear me, Mom? Why are you fat? Why come you always go like this, Mom? {Connor then does his best imitation of me sighing heavily, rubbing my temple, and cursing silently under my breath}".
"Honey, do you wanna watch PBS kids? People's Court? Price Is Right?" I am now literally on my hands and knees pleading with the child to leave me alone for 5 minutes.
"Nah, that's boring. I think I'll just talk to you, Mommy!"
OHMYGAWD. Where is my gin & tonic? Can I start drinking at 10:45AM?
"Mom, what does green and blue make? Do you know? Just tell me what you thinks it makes. Does it make red? Huh?"
Postscript
1:42 PM I am in the bathroom. Trying to, well, go to the bathroom. I'm in the powder room about 3.5 seconds and there is a light tapping on the door. Then, "Mom, MOM, are in there? MOM?!?!!"
"yes, Connor, I'll be right out. I'm in here". I then spy a little hand wiggling widly in the space under the door.
"MOM! MOM?! MOM?!" Connor pleads, "Answer me MOM!"
"Connor, I am in the bathroom, do I bother you when you're in the bathroom? I'll be out in a minute". OHMYWORD, I am really am going to lose my mind.
"BUT, MOM! I need to ask you a question!!!! It's super immmmmportannanttt"!!!
"okay, Connor, what?"
"Mom, how do you make yogurt?"
"I don't know Connor, why don't you call and ask Grandma".
"But, MOMMMMMMMMMM"!
"WHAT......DO......YOU.....WANT....I'm in the bathroom".
"MOM! Where are all the dinasours?!?!"
"CONNOR, I do NOT know, please go away. I will be out in 2 minutes I promise".
"BUT, MOM!"
"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAATTTTTTTTTTT?"
"what's 2 times 4? Is it 8? Or it is 6? I am confused." Alright, this kid is going to be in pre-k spelling bee and math competition I guess.
"Connor, it's 8. PLEASE, I will be out in 1 minute."
"Okay, Mommy". I hear him gallopping away. We have approximately 4 hours until Daddy gets home. Yippee!!!! He will then by fielding all questions.
20 comments:
At least he is not lacking for ideas! One day, that will be a fine quality. Now, well, now it just makes your day a little difficult.
Oh, and I wanted to email you, but I didn't realize you don't have your email set up in blogger, so here's the email I tried to send to you:
You know, while I was on maternity leave my days all seemed to run together- so I know what you mean. By the time Christmas had come I was wondering what the
hell had happened to November.
Thank you so much, Jodi for your kind words! I'm so glad that I found your blog, even if it was just recently.
Have a great day!
Stephanie
Oh lord, the days he doesn't go to pre-school are the same for me and my 3 year old. I'm ready to pull my hair out before I've even had my coffee.
It's funny to read about it, even though I'm sure it wasn't funny as it was happening!
Tell me about it. I've got three kids and a runaway husband. Talk about a cramped bathroom. Whenever I go to take a bath or a pee, they all stare at me like I'm a science experiment-- or worse yet rip off their diaper and jump right in.
Thanks for making me laugh about someone else's family.
OMG! That sounds so much like my house. My 6 year old is always putting letters together and asking me what they spell, and none of my children will let me pee in peace. I feel like I'm never going to have a moments peace until I'm old and gray... Oh, wait a second...minus the hair dye I am...
That post was hilarious! I thought I had it bad because my 10 month old has started crawling so I have to watch him every second and can't plant him somewhere to play anymore. But this whole talking thing...boy, I don't know what I'll do when that starts!
what did you do to your template? Uh OH!!!
To all the mom's on here...If my kids were doing that...I'd be beatin' asses....or at least I'd put the fear of God into them. I can't deal with that.
Jodi, You are HILARIOUS! I can actually hear you telling that story in real life! You crack me up!
Interesting templete change-- I like the photo in the beginning I'm just not sure about the colors-- it could jsut be that I'm use dto the old one
I think it looks FABULOUS! You Go girl! You're makin' mama proud. I'm patting you on the back at this very moment. I haven't talked to you since our religion discussion...I hope you don't hate me. Your blog looks great. did you pay someone? I'm going back to explore it! Great job!
This is the exact same reason I can't work from home! How familiar!!
OMG... too funny and soooo close to home!!
(Yes, you can start drinking at 10:45... Mimosas and Bloody Marys.)
& I like the new bloggy look!
Hilarious! You can't make that stuff up!
Love your new design! :)
Great new design, and I know the feeling about the bathroom. Try this: Tell him that Mommy's in the kitchen! Maybe it will give you a moment while he goes to look.
wow, I never knew blogger could be such effective birth control... *eyeing the scissors on my desk*
hmm...
hope you got your work done!
LMFAO!!! HAHAHAHHA.. good lord woman! are you redesigning the blog too? i love the pic at top! YAY!
Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Kill me now!
Feel your pain sista!
Nightmare....
Connor.... here's something for you to learn to keep you occupied..
1 Find Mommy a tall glass
2 Fill it with a few ice cubes
3 Find the bottle marked Gin - yes that's G-I-N...very good.
4 Pour a fist full of the lovely liquid into the glass - see honey do you hear the ice-cubes crackle.
5 Find T O N I C... open the lid and see all the tiny bubbles fizzing up.
6 Pour to the top
7 Repeat steps 1-6 every 15 minutes till Daddy comes home
Tori--Your comment made me LAUGH. Thank you! Oh, boy, you really do get it don't you?!?!?!
It is so nice to know it's not only my kids that are driving me crazy. ALL the kids are driving us ALL crazy. I think it's a well devised plan on thier part. The children want to drive us Mommies mad so that they can take over the world, eat ice cream for breakfast, watch Sonic until 1AM, and never brush their teeth! GRRRR.
Thanks to everyone for sharing in my pain and frustration. :)
Apparently the kids are keeping you away from blogging, too. For a very, very long time.
Change a few details in that story and that's my house too! And my husband says what Angry Dad just said.
Post a Comment