Should I zig or zag?

I am so frustrated! Trent went for a long awaited appointment with Far Northern Regional Services on Friday. We are trying to figure out if Trent has autism or not. We left yet another appointment with professionals who are reluctant to say that Trent is autistic. One would assume news like this would fill me with gratitude and relief. Instead all I feel is utter frustration. I KNOW there is something wrong with him. I know in my heart it is autism, at least I think that's what it is, but ask me tomorrow and I may not be so sure. I alternate between trusting the professionals and being skeptical about everything that comes out of thier mouths. But, nobody who has the power to make a difference will put any diagnosis into writing because they don't want to "stereotype him by putting a diagnosis on paper". YES, they can see why we are concerned, he does have some behavioral issues they can see that, but they just don't what to actually put something on PAPER, God forbid. On their all knowing autism score sheet he scored a 6 and he needs a 7, that's right a 7, to be able to get services. If he had just ONE more flipping freaking point and we would have services coming out our unmentionable orifices.

Yeah, well, I think his hand flapping, which he didn't do while we were there, because he's a kid and doesn't do things when you expect him to or want him to. If they would have popped in a movie or had him play the computer he would have been flapping like a mad man. He didn't suck his thumb or pull his ear either because he didn't have to think about anything really hard, that's when he usually has those behavoirs. His strange obsession with anything mechanical to the point of ridiculous, will probably stereotype him, don't you think? Or what about the fact he likes to smell everything before he puts it in his mouth or will continually smell his hands if he gets an odd odor on them? He didn't do that for them either, because we didn't give him anything to eat and the testing room was rather sterile so there wasn't many odors in there. How about the fact he's almost 8 and still can't tie his shoes no matter how hard we try to teach him and he struggles to learn how? Huh, what about that you all powerful know-it-alls?? Do you think that will inhibit his societability factors???

And a diagnosis would do so much for us. We could finally get him into some kind of behavior modification therapy, get him an OT, and maybe some piece of mind, in a strange kind of way. We do have insurance but I can't seem to figure out how to access the services that he really needs.

Am I a bad parent? I sure feel like one. My sister sure doesn't mind telling me I am a bad parent because I don't drive Trent to Roseville once a week for a group that his neurologist recommended he go to. Granted she is not a parent nor a student so she can't possibly understand how impossible going to Roseville once a week would be. She doesn't offer to take him either, because she is just too busy. But, that, my friends, is the subject of a whole other post.
My Mom tells me Trent must be getting "better" or else he wouldn't be able to control his flapping in public. She takes this a sign I need to just back off and leave him alone. She thinks he's a genius and I'm just too picky about his behavior. Then again she also thinks we eat out too much, the kids have too many toys, we let them watch too much TV~ even though when she babysits them she lets them watch the Cartoon Network the whole time they are with her and we don't even have cable~, and that we don't have a structured enough routine.
I LOVE Trent's teacher this year, but she doesn't think there is anything wrong with Trent either. I suspect she thinks I am a hypochondriac or I just don't realize what a good kid Trent is. Granted she DOES sit him in the back of the classroom so that the other kids won't see his tics, Trent does flap and suck his thumb at school when he's deep in thought, but since it doesn't inhibit his learning she doesn't think it should be such a big issue.

You know, I think what frustrates me the MOST is the fact if anybody, from the school or Far Northern, would have evaluated Trent when he was preschool and when I first started requesting he be evaluated, they would have seen all the signs of autism they were looking for on Friday. *sigh*

The IEP and the Far Northern people, admit they expect Trent will have a prolifery of problems in the 4th grade because the structure and nature of what 4th graders are learning will be so different from what he has experienced thus far, the concepts will involve more abstract thinking and the classroom time won't be as structured . Both psycologists expect Trent won't adjust well. But, they told me not to worry because I can always request that he be reevaluated then. YEAH, that's gonna work. It only took me 2 years to get them to evaluate him this time, I am sure they will jump right on it when the time comes. Call me a skeptic, but I don't exactly have faith in the educational system at the minute.

Oh, how I wish I had a time machine or a magical crystal ball where I could look into 5 years from now and see how Trent is doing. What will happen if we just proceed status quo? Will he be so weird and odd that he has no friends, has an extensive collection of used gum wrappers, and has made up his own language? Or will he be in the advanced classes at school, been finally diagnosed as a true genius {at his IEP last week that condescending, flippant, bitch of a school psychologist told me that most geniuses are indeed kind of eccentric and other people find them odd} and has just received a Noble Peace Prize for finding the cure to the common cold? If that was the case I would be able to rest easy and not keep beating my head against the proverbial brick wall. But, I don't have a magic ball or a time machine, do you? So, I have to do what all parents do and try and figure out if I should zig or zag.